IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The government should allocate more funds to teaching science rather than other subjects for a country to develop and progress. To what extent do you agree?

It is believed by some
people
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 it would be more beneficial to spend more money on providing education relating
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science
Change preposition
to science
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 .
On the other hand
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, other
people
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 believe that authorities should not spend expenditure on other
subjects
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 . I strongly disagree with his notion .
This
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 essay will
be discuss
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be discussed
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 in
meticulous
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a meticulous
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 way in the forthcoming paragraphs . To commence with ,
Although
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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science
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 has knowledge that
need
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needs
show examples
 to be learned , the importance of other
subjects
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 should not be neglected .
Firstly
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 ,
Besides
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 ,
science
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 other
subjects
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such
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 as literature and architecture have great importance in the
children
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children's
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 lives . To explain
this
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 ,
Everone
Correct your spelling
every
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 person has different
interest
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interests
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 and ambitions
for
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in
show examples
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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life .
Thus
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 , if
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government
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the government
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 only spend on
Science
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subjects
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then
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 it would be tough for other
people
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 to enhance their skills ,
talents
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and talents
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 in another field of study .
Consequently
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 , higher authorities ought to
be expend
Wrong verb form
spend
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 some on other
subjects
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 regardless of
science
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 . To continue with , other
people
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those
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 are literate in literature and other
subjects
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 have
less
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fewer
show examples
opportunities
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 in the
job
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 sectors as more preference is given to
science
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 and technology . To explain it ,
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government
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the government
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 is accountable for it because more money is being spent by them on
science
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subjects
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 rather than
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 ultimately , they have more chances
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 getting
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job
Correct article usage
a job
show examples
nevertheless
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 their study in other
subjects
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 is neglected .
Thus
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 ,
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government
Add an article
the government
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 should
spent
Change the verb form
spend
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 on
other sector
Change the wording
another sector
other sectors
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 as well ,
this
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 would lead to equal distribution of occupation
opportunities
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 in every field of study . In conclusion ,
Although
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,
science
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 has accomplished various things that we need nowadays , the value of other
subject
Fix the agreement mistake
subjects
show examples
 is equally essential.
Moreover
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 , not every person is fascinated towards
science
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subjects
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 as some have other interests .
Thus
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 ,
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government
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the government
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 should give preference to
this
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 as well .
Additionally
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 ,
opportunities
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 in the category of
job
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 have
impact
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an impact
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due to
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 the prevalence of
science
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subjects
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 , Consquently ,
people
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 who have
Add an article
a degree
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degree
Fix the agreement mistake
degrees
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of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 other
subjects
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such
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 as literature ,
articheture
Correct word choice
and articheture
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 get
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
job
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opportunities
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.
Therefore
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 , higher authorities should spend some funds on these
subjects
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 as well.

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Task Achievement
Make sure to clearly define your position in the introduction and restate it in the conclusion. This will strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to use a wider range of vocabulary and complex sentence structures to enhance your writing style.
Task Achievement
Ensure that your main points are fully developed and supported with specific examples or explanations.
Task Achievement
You show a clear effort to argue against the notion of prioritizing science education exclusively.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a logical flow and makes an effort to connect ideas, which is commendable.
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