IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Excessive traffic has made cities unpleasant places to live and work in. For this reason, private cars should be completely banned from city centers. to what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Undoubtedly, in
this
Linking Words
 present era number of
transportation
Use synonyms
vehicles
Use synonyms
 is growing rapidly. In
cities
Use synonyms
, it is becoming very difficult to
work
Use synonyms
 and live
due to
Linking Words
 long hours of traffic jams. To solve
this
Linking Words
, from
cities
Use synonyms
 private
vehicles
Use synonyms
 should be banned completely. I agree with
this
Linking Words
 point but
Rephrase
only upto
show examples
upto
Correct your spelling
up to
 some extent and will discuss
in
Correct pronoun usage
it in
show examples
following
Change the article
the following
show examples
 essay.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, there are several benefits which
cities
Use synonyms
 can get if private
transportation
Use synonyms
will be
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 banned. The first and foremost benefit is less pollution. To elaborate
Linking Words
this
Change preposition
on this
show examples
, more
vehicles
Use synonyms
 means more danger to
air
Use synonyms
quality
Use synonyms
. In
cities
Use synonyms
,
range
Correct article usage
the range
show examples
 of
air
Use synonyms
quality
Use synonyms
is
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
 in danger
from
Change preposition
for
show examples
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 few years.
For example
Linking Words
, every individual is using one vehicle
such
Linking Words
 as
car
Correct article usage
a car
show examples
,
motorcycle
Correct word choice
or motorcycle
show examples
 and
the
Correct your spelling
they
show examples
 are not using
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public transport for commuting to
cities
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, long traffic jams cause
delay
Fix the agreement mistake
delays
show examples
 to school buses
as well as
Linking Words
 accidents. Human beings drive very harshly when they are getting late for
work
Use synonyms
 so, the only option for them is speed.
This
Linking Words
 is dangerous to their lives. If
privates
Change the noun form
private
show examples
vehicles
Use synonyms
will be
Wrong verb form
are
show examples
 banned number of accidents and
air
Use synonyms
quality
Use synonyms
 will be controlled.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 public
transportation
Use synonyms
 in
cities
Use synonyms
 is in very bad condition. In detail, there are very less
numbet
Correct your spelling
number
 of public buses which connect to small
village
Fix the agreement mistake
villages
show examples
.
As well as
Linking Words
 there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 no schedules and timing set for buses.
For instance
Linking Words
, if folk have to reach
work
Use synonyms
 by 7 am it is not possible with
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
transportation
Use synonyms
 because
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
public transport starts at 8 am.
This
Linking Words
 is going to create
big
Add an article
a big
show examples
 issue for
cities
Use synonyms
. People will stop working in
cities
Use synonyms
 and
this
Linking Words
 will cause
cities
Use synonyms
 in future when no one will be
wiling
Correct your spelling
willing
show examples
 to come to
office
Add an article
the office
show examples
 for
work
Use synonyms
.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
former
Correct article usage
the former
show examples
 coin
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 two sides reducing private
vehicles
Use synonyms
 can be beneficial for getting good
air
Use synonyms
quality
Use synonyms
Whereas
Linking Words
 , it can reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
employment in
cities
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 lack of
transportation
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The introduction is somewhat clear but could be more engaging. Consider rephrasing your thesis statement to clearly indicate your position.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to clearly state your main points in cohesive paragraphs. Each paragraph should start with a topic sentence that summarizes the main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure to use proper linking words to connect your ideas smoothly. This will improve the overall flow of the essay.
task achievement
Develop your examples more thoroughly. While you provide examples, some lack details and specific evidence to support your arguments effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Proofread your essay to correct any spelling and grammatical errors, as they can distract the reader from your message.
task achievement
You present a balanced view by acknowledging the drawbacks of public transportation, which shows critical thinking.
task achievement
The essay addresses a relevant and important topic, which makes your argument timely and engaging.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Emissions
  • Air pollution
  • Global warming
  • Noise pollution
  • Pedestrian-friendly
  • Public transportation
  • Green spaces
  • Urban residents
  • Enforcing the ban
  • Exceptions
  • Mental well-being
  • Healthier lifestyles
  • Local businesses
  • Tourism
  • Offset the need
What to do next:
Look at other essays: