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Writing Samples
Band 5

The table below describes water usage for three different purposes in six countries in 2003.

The table below describes water usage for three different purposes in six countries in 2003.
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The table above describes
water
Use synonyms
 usage in the domestic, agricultural, and industrial sectors by six countries in 2003.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that nations
such
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 as the United
Kingdom
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,
China
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,
India
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, and
Japan
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 utilized
water
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 for the
agriculture
Replace the word
agricultural
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 sphere,
while
Linking Words
Canada
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 and
Australia
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 used
water
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 for domestic ways.
According to
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 the table, the highest percentage of
water
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 use for
agricultural
Replace the word
agriculture
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 was United
Kingdom
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 at 90%.
Additionally
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,
China
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 was in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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second place with 87%, whilst
India
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 at 82% and the
last
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 one
Japan
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 at 66% respectively.
Australia
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 allocated 33% of
water
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, but
Canada
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 stood at 5%, which was the lowest one compared to other states.
However
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, in the industrial objective,
Canada
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 used 32% and
Japan
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 with 15%,
while
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 other kingdoms spent less than 10%. Actually, for domestic purposes,
Australia
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 spent the highest proportion of
water
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 usage at 65%, followed by
Canada
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 lower only
for
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apply
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2%.
Moreover
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, countries like
Japan
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 and
India
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 utilized
water
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 less than 20%, and the United
Kingdom
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 and
China
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 spent
lower
Correct word choice
less
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 than 7%.
In contrast
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,
Add an article
the
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agricultural objective was the main purpose for countries like the United
Kingdom
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,
China
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 and
India
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.
Meanwhile
Add a comma
Meanwhile,
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Japan
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's demand reached
to
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apply
show examples
66%.
Moreover
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,
Canada
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 recorded
as
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apply
show examples
5% of
water
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 consumption and
Australia
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 used half of it, 33%.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "moreover, while".
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words water, kingdom, china, india, japan, canada, australia with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "describes" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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