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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graphs show percentage of mobile phone owners using various mobile phone features. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The graphs show percentage of mobile phone owners using various mobile phone features. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The table provides data on the percentage of mobile phone
users
Use synonyms
 utilizing various
features
Use synonyms
 between 2006 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, making calls remained the most common function throughout the period,
while
Linking Words
 the use of advanced
features
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as
internet
Use synonyms
 browsing and video recording increased significantly. In 2006, all mobile phone
users
Use synonyms
 (100%) used their phones for calls, followed by text messaging (73%) and photography (66%).
In contrast
Linking Words
, gaming and music playback were the least used
features
Use synonyms
, at 17% and 12%, respectively.
Internet
Use synonyms
 browsing and video recording were not recorded in 2006. By 2008, the proportion of
users
Use synonyms
 playing games had increased dramatically to 42%,
while
Linking Words
internet
Use synonyms
 browsing became more common, reaching 41%. Other
features
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as texting and photography, saw moderate increases. By 2010, the use of most phone
features
Use synonyms
 had grown
further
Linking Words
.
Internet
Use synonyms
 browsing saw the most significant rise, from 41% in 2008 to 73% in 2010. The proportion of
users
Use synonyms
 recording videos
also
Linking Words
 increased sharply to 35%.
However
Linking Words
, making calls and playing games saw slight declines of 1% each, though they remained widely used. In summary,
while
Linking Words
 making calls remained the primary function, newer
features
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as
internet
Use synonyms
 browsing and video recording experienced rapid growth over the period.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "such, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words users, features, internet with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "remained" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 2 times.
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