IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some believe that the Olympic games help bring people from different nations together, while others claim that holding the Olympics wastes money which could be used for important issues. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion

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Certain individuals believe
,
Remove the comma
apply
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international
Correct word choice
that international
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 athletic competition unites the players of different
countries
Use synonyms
 in one place.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, several populations think that authorities should utilize that fund to address crucial problems
instead
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 of arranging the tournaments. I agree with the former statement.
This
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 essay will explicate both views in upcoming paragraphs, and I will justify my opinion.
To begin
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 with, the reason why the government should organize the Olympic Games in the
country
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 as it helps the recognize the talent of the youth.
In other words
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, in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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international game events, people from all corners of the
Use synonyms
countries
Fix the agreement mistake
country
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 will participate; there are no limitations for talented players to take part in the games.
In other words
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, participants will get a chance to communicate and spend time with each other, which broadens their horizons of knowledge. Not only
this
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, but they
also
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 represent their
country
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 on the global platform.
For example
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, in developing
countries
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 like India, a girl named Geeta Phogat who belongs to the rural area of Haryana state got opportunities to play boxing on an international level and she won a number of medals in the competitions. Now, other girls and boys are taking inspiration from her and
try
Wrong verb form
trying
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 to make their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
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 as
an
Correct article usage
apply
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athlete
Fix the agreement mistake
athletes
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.
On the contrary
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, the reason why a specific group of nationals has an idea
Add a missing verb
is tha
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tha
Correct your spelling
that
countries
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 have many important challenges
such
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 as poverty, unemployment, and health.
Due to
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 that, rather than investing amounts in arranging game events, higher authorities should take significant measures to solve the issue and grant required funding to the appropriate departments.To explain it, at the time of many occasions, the government ignores negative elements of the
country
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 and tries to show a lavish image
on
Change preposition
in
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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front of other nations. If
this
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 happened in the
country
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, people would suffer a lot and the
country
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 would face difficulties in its development.
For instance
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, as per the news reports, when underdeveloped
countries
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 organise the Olympic events, they hide the people who live in slums and try to cover them with other substitutes. In conclusion,
although
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 it is necessary to make use of the monetary elements of the
country
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 in the correct manner and raise funds for the betterment of the nation, I believe that it is necessary to organize various international tournaments in the nation, as it brings development to various factors of the
country
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Enhance the clarity of your main ideas by ensuring they are fully developed and clearly linked to each other.
coherence and cohesion
Work on the logical flow of your paragraphs to make transitions between ideas smoother.
coherence and cohesion
Use a variety of sentence structures to improve the overall quality of your writing.
positive
Your introduction clearly outlines your stance and the structure of the essay, which is commendable.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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