IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?(Bayram)

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In today’s business environment,each company tries to convey their recent
goods
Use synonyms
 and services through advertisement methods.It causes more brand awareness and demand for innovation in customer’s minds.
While
Linking Words
 it has some advantages and drawbacks,its impact depends on how truthfully it is targeted. One of the main reasons why advertising is that the best way to showcase current innovations is
maintain
Change the verb form
to maintain
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 brand image and survive in a competitive business world.Customers believe that recent products offer more convenience,
uptade
Correct your spelling
uptake
 and quality.
For instance
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,new vehicles have a special parking mode which gives an automatic driving system.Thanks to promotion,the companies achieve both a strong brand image and customer satisfaction. On the positive side,promoting innovations brings technological aspects and improves consumer welfare.Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
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each person requires modern
goods
Use synonyms
 and services from organizations.Including these, updating details on smartphones and getting benefits through contemporary apps.
For example
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,Apple frequently adds new camera functions to iPhones and tablets, so
this
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 step obtains huge satisfaction from customers.Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
these changes give a chance to
meeting
Wrong verb form
meet
show examples
 the modern world to them.
On the other hand
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,it has some disadvantages,including overconsumption and waste of money.Today,each market has a lot of types of
goods
Use synonyms
 which
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
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 concern
on
Change preposition
about
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customer’s
Change noun form
customer
show examples
 preferences.
Hence
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,they may spend more money rather than
normal
Correct article usage
the normal
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 budget.
For instance
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,Amazon consists of many types of the same category of
goods
Use synonyms
 as
e-commerce
Add an article
an e-commerce
the e-commerce
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 platform.
That is
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 why,consumers meet waste
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
money. In conclusion,the advertisement is a suitable way to demonstrate new products for the companies.Promoting methods may cause consumer satisfaction,
moreover
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 leading to overconsumption among potential buyers.It requires more attention to understanding promotions.

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task achievement
Make sure to clarify the points you wish to make. Each paragraph should explore a single clear idea that directly relates to the essay topic. For example, while the content is mostly relevant, a stronger connection to the negatives and positives of emphasizing new products could enhance clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Try to vary your sentence structures and use linking words more effectively to connect ideas within and between sentences. This will help improve the natural flow of your writing, making your argument easier to follow.
task achievement
While your examples are relevant, they would benefit from more depth or additional context to fully illustrate your points. Consider providing specific data or statistics to strengthen your arguments, as this will show a clearer understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and addresses both sides of the argument.
task achievement
You have included relevant examples that contribute to the overall discussion of the topic, such as the reference to Apple and new vehicle features.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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