IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that having a set retirement age (e.g. 65 years) for everybody, regardless of occupation, is unfair. They believe that certain workers deserve to retire and receive a pension at an earlier age.Do you agree or disagree? Which types of workers do you think should benefit from early retirement?

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It is argued that
age
Correct article usage
the age
show examples
 set for
retirement
Use synonyms
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 is usually 65 years, is
predicament
Correct article usage
a predicament
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 on fairness in society towards some specific physical and mental
attention demanding
Add a hyphen
attention-demanding
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 jobs. Some individuals compose to get
pension
Correct article usage
a pension
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 before their
retirement
Use synonyms
 period
due to
Linking Words
ocupational
Correct your spelling
occupational
 hazards.I am absolutely
enpower
Correct your spelling
empower
 the desire
of initiating
Change preposition
to initiate
show examples
 pension plans
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
early
Add an article
the early
an early
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 stage of life as some occupations are risk prone. No worthless, workers under
skill
Correct article usage
the skill
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 trade category may not need physical
strenght
Correct your spelling
strength
,
however
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 many of them require mental attention for their tasks .
Such
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 applicants need to get
break
Add an article
a break
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 at
early
Add an article
an early
the early
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 stage of
life
Correct pronoun usage
their life
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 cycle
who
Correct word choice
and
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work under stress
for
Change preposition
apply
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all the time
. .
Replace the punctuation
.
...
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For example
Linking Words
, healthcare professionals may not require physical ability to cure their patients ,
however
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, they mostly need to draw
the
Correct article usage
apply
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complete
concentrate
Replace the word
concentration
show examples
 in order to provide outstanding treatment for serious cases
such
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 as surgeries and heart diseases.
Therefore
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,
such
Linking Words
particuler
Correct your spelling
particular
 jobs deserve to retire and receive a pension at their earlier age.
Additionally
Linking Words
, some contemporary occupations require
repitative
Correct your spelling
repetitive
 updates in terms of technology.Several times the old worker may fail to adopt the new methods and usually
priortise
Correct your spelling
prioritise
 their traditional approaches to perform modern tasks.
This
Linking Words
 tendency can lead to
decreament
Correct your spelling
decrement
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 production and it can
also
Linking Words
can
Remove a modal verb
apply
show examples
be cause for
generation
Add an article
the generation
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 gap.To illustrate, the software engineering field often requires
to
Correct pronoun usage
one to
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 get familiar with new advanced intelligence
techlonogy
Correct your spelling
technology
.
Thus
Linking Words
 old workers will not be
relative
Correct your spelling
related
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with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 new developments and It will be fruitful for them to
get
Wrong verb form
retire
show examples
retirement
Use synonyms
 early. In conclusion, every person has
Correct article usage
a distinguish
show examples
distinguish
Change the verb form
distinguished
show examples
 capacity to work in different sectors, they should get
retirement
Use synonyms
 incentives as per their physical and mental
strenght
Correct your spelling
strength
 rather than at
fixed
Correct article usage
a fixed
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 age of 65 years.
Linking Words
This criteria
Change the determiner
This criterion
These criteria
show examples
 can help to eliminate the pressure of continue doing
job
Add an article
the job
a job
show examples
 to reach
upto
Correct your spelling
up to
 period of
retirement
Use synonyms
.

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task achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly states your opinion on the topic to guide the reader. Consider rephrasing your thesis statement for clarity.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear main idea that connects back to your thesis. This will improve logical flow and structure.
task achievement
It would be beneficial to provide more specific examples or case studies to bolster your arguments regarding different occupations that may require early retirement.
coherence cohesion
Check for grammatical errors and typos which can affect readability. Improving language accuracy will enhance your overall score.
task achievement
You have identified specific occupations (healthcare professionals, software engineers) that justify early retirement, which demonstrates a good understanding of the task.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes your points and reiterates the importance of tailored retirement plans, showing thoughtful consideration of the issue at hand.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • retirement age
  • pension
  • unfair
  • occupational hazards
  • early retirement
  • physically demanding jobs
  • mental health
  • burnout
  • job-related stress
  • flexible retirement
  • health risks
  • workplace adaptation
  • career satisfaction
  • work-life balance
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