IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Some people believe that it is essential to include Physical Education classes in the curriculum for all school-age children. Others think that children’s time is better spent on more academic subjects. Discuss both views and give our own opinion.

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It is widely believed by some people that Physical
Education
Use synonyms
 classes must be included in the syllabus for pupils.
Linking Words
While others
Correct word choice
Others
show examples
 opposed
this
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 view by saying that school children should
spent
Change the verb form
spend
show examples
 their time greater on extra academic
subjects
Use synonyms
. In my opinion, Physical
Education
Use synonyms
 promotes physical health and fitness to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
youngsters.
Therefore
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, it should be added
in
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to
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 the schools. On the one side, Physical
education
Use synonyms
 classes often involve teamwork and collaboration, which can help children to develop
the
Correct article usage
apply
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important social skills,
such
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 as communication, cooperation and conflict resolution.
However
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, with
the
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apply
show examples
physical activity pupils can boost their cognitive function, leading to better focus,
concentration
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and concentration
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 and ultimately, improved
their
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apply
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overall
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 performance in
the
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apply
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academic
subjects
Use synonyms
. On the opposite side, Critics argue that academic
subjects
Use synonyms
 are more important for future prospects and the school system should prioritize core
subjects
Use synonyms
 like math, science and language arts.
Moreover
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, these people believe that if the students
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
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 more time on physical
subjects
Use synonyms
then
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 they
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 a direct impact on grades and educational outcomes. In conclusion, Physical
Education
Use synonyms
 can help children to keep their lifestyle active and in developing
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
social skills. So, it is very crucial for the pupils to
must
Verb problem
apply
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learn
this
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 subject during their school hours.

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task achievement
The introduction could be clearer in stating the two opposing views and your personal opinion more explicitly. Consider rephrasing for clarity.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to proofread your writing for grammatical errors, such as 'spent' (should be 'spend') and 'has' (should be 'have'). This will improve clarity and coherence.
task achievement
Support your arguments with more specific examples or evidence. For instance, you could mention studies that link physical activity with improved academic performance.
task achievement
You have clearly stated your opinion in the introduction, which is important for task achievement.
coherence cohesion
You've discussed both perspectives on the topic, which shows an understanding of the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • physical education
  • curriculum
  • academic subjects
  • health and fitness
  • obesity
  • cognitive function
  • teamwork
  • social skills
  • academic performance
  • standardized testing
  • career prospects
  • lifelong appreciation
  • collaboration
  • cooperation
  • focus and concentration
  • core subjects
  • limited resources
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