IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The diagram below shows the process of milk production.

The diagram below shows the process of milk production.
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This
Linking Words
 illustration explains the way in which the formula is made.
Overall
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, there are seven stages in
this
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 process, beginning with the milking instrument
Change preposition
within
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72 hours and ending with the delivery of the
milk
Use synonyms
 to supermarkets and shops.
Furthermore
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, it is a man-made and cyclical process. There are some materials.
To begin
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, the first stage is a milking machine .In
this
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 stage , we milked the machine for 2 days .
Following
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this
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, the
milk
Use synonyms
 is put into the refrigeration storage, a refrigeration special machine in
this
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 process .
Then
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 , the
milk
Use synonyms
 tanker is
transferring
Wrong verb form
transferred
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 to the dairy .In
this
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 step, we transfer every day. In the subsequent stage, the dairy is produced in two ways
firstly
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,
milk
Use synonyms
 pasteurized and
second,
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packaged and cheese cream and butter .
Finally
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, we distribute to supermarkets and shops.

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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words milk with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 1 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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