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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The table below shows information about age, average income per person and population below the poverty line in three states in the USA. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table below shows information about age, average income per person and population below the poverty line in three states in the USA. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The table below illustrates the average salary per each
american
Change the capitalization
American
show examples
 in
three
Use synonyms
 different
States
Use synonyms
 in the United
States
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 of America and Compares the
poverty
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 percentages in each of these
states
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. It
highlightes
Correct your spelling
highlights
highlighted
 that
Utah
Use synonyms
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
has the lowest percentage of
people
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 below
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poverty
Add an article
the poverty
show examples
 line and California has the highest rate among these
three
Use synonyms
states
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.
Although
Linking Words
Utah
Use synonyms
 with only 9
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
people
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 under
Use synonyms
poverty
Add an article
the poverty
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 line has the lowest rate of
poverty
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,
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
the Average income per person in
Utah
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 is
lowest
Correct article usage
the lowest
show examples
 among these
three
Use synonyms
states
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 with only 17000$ per person and
People
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 in
Colifornia
Correct your spelling
California
 earn around 6000$ more money despite the
poverty
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percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in
this
Linking Words
 state, and
Although
Linking Words
FLorida
Correct your spelling
Florida
 has 4% less poor
people
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in contrast
Linking Words
 with California,
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
average
Add an article
the average
show examples
 income of
people
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 is
aproximatly
Correct your spelling
approximately
 near Colifornia with 1000$ difference.
Utah
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 with 28%
people
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 under 18
years
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 old and only 8% above 60
years
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 old has the youngest
people
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 among these
three
Use synonyms
states
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. There is only
1
Correct article usage
a 1
show examples
%
diffrence
Correct your spelling
difference
 between
people
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 under 18
years
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 old in California (17%) and Florida (16%) but
these
Correct your spelling
there
show examples
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 a major
diffrence
Correct your spelling
difference
 between
people
Use synonyms
 above 60
years
Use synonyms
 old in these two
state
Fix the agreement mistake
states
show examples
 with 13% and 23% respectively.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "although".
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words three, states, poverty, utah, people, years with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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