IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Government investment in sports is a waste of money. Government must invest this money in public services instead. To what extent you agree or disagree?

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Many people argue that investment in public
services
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 is more important than in
sports
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. In my
option
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opinion
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, investment in both public
services
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 and
sports
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 must be balanced to attain the well-being of the population. The
government
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 should allocate
significant
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a significant
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 amount of money on all public
services
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 for various reasons. One major
reasons
Change to a singular noun
reason
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 is that most nations have insufficient and underdeveloped healthcare, and education systems
due to
Linking Words
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of financial resources, resulting in
low
Correct article usage
a low
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 quality of life for residents. Philippines,
for example
Linking Words
, there are some urban cities
suffer
Correct pronoun usage
that suffer
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 from
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of
government
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 investment in public
services
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, forcing citizens to compromise health, education and transportation.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the better the
government
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’s public
services
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 are, the more likely people are to stay in the country and look for a better future for themselves and
for
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apply
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their families.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 does not mean that investing in
sports
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 should not be given peripheral attention.
Sports
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 value can never be measured in monetary terms but is directly linked to the pride of the nation.
For example
Linking Words
,
government
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 funding for
sports
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 will aid in the development of better training facilities where athletes can maximize their skills. The best athletes would ultimately
represents
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represent
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 their country and may bring pride to the nation.
In addition
Linking Words
,
government
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 funds might be utilized to undertake excessive promotional
campaign
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campaigns
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 to encourage skilled young children to join
sports
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 academies to help them enhance and improve their health and fitness.
To conclude
Linking Words
, the allocation of public funds to public
services
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 should be
priorities
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a priority
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 since it has a direct impact on people’s quality of life. Spending on
sports
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 must be considered owning to its national relevance and
country’s
Correct article usage
the country’s
show examples
 welfare.

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Task Achievement
Consider including a clearer thesis statement in the introduction that directly states your position on the topic. This helps readers understand your stance from the start.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea that relates to your overall argument, and avoid introducing too many ideas in one paragraph, which can affect coherence.
Task Achievement
You may want to provide more specific examples or statistics to support your claims, especially in the public services section, as this will strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure to transition smoothly between points and ideas to enhance the flow of your essay, as some sentences feel slightly disconnected.
Content
Your essay presents a balanced view, acknowledging the importance of both public services and sports, which is a strong approach.
Content
You have made good use of examples, such as mentioning the Philippines, which adds relevance to your argument regarding public services.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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