IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying full-time or part-time. Summarises the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the number of men and women in further education in Britain in three periods and whether they were studying full-time or part-time. Summarises the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The Bar chart illustrates
further
Linking Words
education
Use synonyms
 data among men and women pursuing part-time or full-time studies in Britain in three academic years.
Overall
Linking Words
, the chart represents data of about eleven hundred
Use synonyms
thousands
Change to singular
thousand
show examples
 pupils, from 1970/71 to 1900/91 acquiring
education
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
under
show examples
 different time constraints. It represents that part-time
education
Use synonyms
 was more popular than full-time
practices
Fix the agreement mistake
practice
show examples
. On the one hand, male
participant
Fix the agreement mistake
participants
show examples
 were 100
Use synonyms
thousands
Change to singular
thousand
show examples
 in 1970/71, which declined to 900 thousand in the second academic year, but raised again to 950
Use synonyms
thousands
Change to singular
thousand
show examples
 in the third year.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, part-time men in
education
Use synonyms
 were less than 200 thousand in 1970/71 and climbed to 200 thousand in 1990/91.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, female students started with less than 800
Use synonyms
thousands
Change to singular
thousand
show examples
 in 1970/71.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, they swiftly
hits
Change the verb form
hit
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
more than 1000
Use synonyms
thousands
Change to singular
thousand
show examples
 by 1990/91 pursuing full-time studies.
Consequently
Linking Words
, part-time ladies in
education
Use synonyms
 took
lower
Add an article
a lower
show examples
 interest in 1970/71 by approximately 100
Use synonyms
thousands
Change to singular
thousand
show examples
; in 1990/91 it was more than 200
Use synonyms
thousands
Change to singular
thousand
show examples
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words education, thousands with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "represents" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: