IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, people are starting to discuss their financial matters, such as spending and incomes, more often than before in daily conversation. In my opinion, in many places, people are considered to be trustworthy to share personal things with, thus making others comfortable to share matters such as financial problems. This will be beneficial toward the social condition since people will no longer feel ashamed of sharing sensitive matters like economic status.

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In most places around the globe, Discussions about income and expenses are
at
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of
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 free will,
Although
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 not all but
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at least
atleast
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at least
with
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apply
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a few
people
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 are considering
to speak
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speaking
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 about it without feeling any discomfort As a
society
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society,
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 it helps us understand if families are going through money and
economical
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economic
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 problems. First of all, not many
people
Use synonyms
 would like to share their
Assests
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assets
 and
liablities
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liabilities
.
However
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, we have seen an increase in trend as folks voluntarily
sharing
Wrong verb form
share
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these sensitive
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this sensitive information
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information
Use synonyms
to
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with
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others who are trustworthy thereby escaping that pressure to fit in. more often than not we only share critical
information
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to
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with
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 a
selective
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select
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people
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in
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with
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 whom we have a lot of
confience
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confidence
. Second of all, sharing
the
Correct article usage
apply
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key
information
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 about us
to
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with
show examples
 others helps us to foster
the
Correct article usage
apply
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relationships,
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furthermore
Add a comma
furthermore,
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 if the other person happens to be in the same situation, can get some guidance and
advise
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advice
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 to navigate through
this
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sitaution
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situation
 where most
people
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 are likely to help thereby ensuring a relief that
this
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issues
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issue
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 has been
occured
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occurred
 before and
people
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 have made out of it.
To conclude
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, we all go through certain hardships
it
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which
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 could be related to economical and relational and
may
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many
show examples
 more, sharing
this
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 critical
information
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 within society could help us get the issue resolved in a much easier and
efficient
Correct quantifier usage
more efficient
show examples
 way
for example
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 A person with poor money management should seek advice from an
expertese
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expertise
 in their field which helps them stay on track thereby contributing to the welfare of the family
as well as
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 the society.

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Task Achievement
Improve the introduction by clearly stating your opinion on the topic. This will help set a clearer direction for your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure to use correct grammar and avoid capitalization errors (e.g., 'Discussions' should be lowercase). This will improve overall clarity.
Task Achievement
Expand your main points with more specific examples or evidence to strengthen your argument and provide clearer illustrations of your points.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use varied sentence structures and more transitions for better flow between ideas, as this can enhance the coherence of your writing.
Task Achievement
You have shown a thoughtful perspective on the topic, addressing the social benefits of discussing financial matters.
Task Achievement
You presented some relevant ideas on how sharing financial information can foster relationships, which is a valuable point to include.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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