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Writing Samples
Band 4

The graphs below show the total percentage of films released and the total percentage of ticket sales in 1996 and 2006 in a country. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. You should Writing Task 1

The graphs below show the total percentage of films released and the total percentage of ticket sales in 1996 and 2006 in a country. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant. You should Writing Task 1
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The data represents the proportion of films broadcasted and the proportion of tickets bought between 1996 and 2006 in a nation.
Overall
Linking Words
, there is a significant
fluctuations
Change the noun form
fluctuation
show examples
 in
percentage
Add an article
the percentage
show examples
 of Drama and Comedy compared to others. In
comparision
Correct your spelling
comparison
 with every zoner, Romance movie
sales
Use synonyms
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 fallen down in the year 2006.
However
Linking Words
, in the history from 1996 to 2006 Comedy cinema ticket
sales
Use synonyms
 had been high in 2006 like
neverbefore
Correct your spelling
never before
never-before
 and
everafter
Correct your spelling
ever after
. And
also
Linking Words
 the Drama Broadcast had high in terms
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
sales
Use synonyms
 in 2006. The Fantasy
movies
Use synonyms
 that
released
Add a missing verb
were released
show examples
 had saw a lot of downfall in ticket
sales
Use synonyms
 in 1996.
Although
Linking Words
 it is gradually
omproved
Correct your spelling
improved
 in 2006.
Linking Words
Likewise
Add a comma
Likewise,
show examples
 Romance
movies
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 declined in
sales
Use synonyms
 in 2006 which was the worst
amogest
Correct your spelling
amongst
 all.To be frank they
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 in demand in 1996 rather than
2006
Change preposition
in 2006
show examples
.
As a consequence
Linking Words
, the proportion of
movies
Use synonyms
 released and tickets bought are never relatively proportional with each other every time the
movies
Use synonyms
 released are
high
Correct word choice
higher
show examples
Linking Words
then
Correct your spelling
than
show examples
its
Change the word
the
show examples
 ticket 
sales
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sales, movies with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • depict
  • significant increases/decreases
  • highlighting
  • drawing comparisons
  • discrepancies
  • notable trends
  • unexpected findings
  • anomalies
  • phenomenon
  • emphasizing
  • evolution
  • implications
  • producers
  • distributors
  • audiences
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