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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the percentage of people working in different sectors in town A and town B in 1960, 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the percentage of people working in different sectors in town A and town B in 1960, 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The pie charts illustrate the proportion of
workers
Use synonyms
 in manufacturing,
sales
Use synonyms
, and
service
Use synonyms
 sectors in towns A and B in 1960 and 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
, the percentage of
workers
Use synonyms
 in different sectors in town A varies significantly in the time period,
while
Linking Words
 town B remained relatively unchanged. In 1960, the manufacturing industry had the highest percentage of
workers
Use synonyms
, with 41% of the population working in that
sector
Use synonyms
, followed by the
sales
Use synonyms
sector
Use synonyms
 at 31%.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the
service
Use synonyms
sector
Use synonyms
 only has 29% being the least job
sector
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, in 2010 these
employment
Use synonyms
 rates changed significantly, with
employment
Use synonyms
 in the
service
Use synonyms
sector
Use synonyms
 increasing dramatically to 64%, as the
sector
Use synonyms
 where people work,
while
Linking Words
 manufacturing and
sales
Use synonyms
 dropped to 20% and 16%, respectively. Regarding town B, most sectors did not experience significant changes over the time period. In both years (1960 and 2010), the manufacturing industries had the most
workers
Use synonyms
, employing about two-thirds of the people in 1960,
whereas
Linking Words
sales
Use synonyms
 and
service
Use synonyms
 collectively had about a 30%
employment
Use synonyms
 rate.
However
Linking Words
, the percentage of
employment
Use synonyms
 in manufacturing declined to about half of the general population at 53%,
while
Linking Words
 the
service
Use synonyms
sector
Use synonyms
 rose to 25% and
sales
Use synonyms
 to 22% in 2010.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words workers, sales, service, sector, employment with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "changed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significantly" was used 3 times.
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