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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Completing university education is thought by some to be the best way to get a good job. On the other hand, other people think that getting experince and developing soft skills is more important. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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It is argued that some consider that the most effective method to obtain a job is finishing university schooling,
while
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 others say that having experience and improving soft skills is more significant.
Although
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 being an expert and communicating with individuals
are
Change the verb form
is
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 crucial to having opportunities, I believe that it is better to have a bachelor's degree to assist people to be qualified to find a job. On the one hand, the ability to network with colleagues is vital to making connections in the work area, because when workers know each other, they will trust more.
Furthermore
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, some companies prefer to hire members of society who have experience because they do not want to
lose
Verb problem
waste
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 their time
to train
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training
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 workers.
For example
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, new corporations in Saudi Arabia that work in real estate hire
laborers
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labourers
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 who have relatives in the market since they want to take advantage of their knowledge to increase their profits.
However
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, I believe that large businesses struggle to let them work
due to
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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governance and policy.
On the other hand
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, graduation from
universities
Fix the agreement mistake
university
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 supports individuals in their resumes. Human resources prefer to hire someone with a university certificate;
hence
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, the degree allows men and women to enhance their critical thinking and brainstorming. So, if the business's profit struggles in some cases, workers who have certificates are able to generate new ideas because they tend to deal with complex subjects in their studies.
For instance
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, most chiefs in big companies' profits in the world have completed their learning. I believe graduating from university is
the
Correct article usage
an
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 effective way to obtain an occupation. In conclusion,
while
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 understanding and connection with knowledge assist humans to make connections that lead to finding jobs, there is no guarantee to rely on friends only, and
that is
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 why finishing all schooling stages is the proper way to gain money
due to
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 what the members of society are taught.

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coherence and cohesion
Work on providing clearer topic sentences for each paragraph to improve the logical flow of your ideas.
task achievement
Try to give more detailed explanations or examples to support your points, this will deepen the analysis in your response.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your concluding statement succinctly summarizes your main arguments or provides a clear personal perspective.
task achievement
You provided a balanced discussion by acknowledging both sides of the argument, demonstrating an understanding of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • benefit
  • job market
  • academic knowledge
  • critical thinking
  • specialized skills
  • practical experience
  • soft skills
  • employability
  • internships
  • networking
  • theoretical knowledge
  • adaptability
  • dynamic work environment
  • marketable skills
  • lifelong learning
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