IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Car ownership has increased so rapidly over the past thirty years that many cities in the world are now 'one big traffic jam'. How true do you think this statement is? What measures can governments take to discourage people from using their cars? Korkem

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Car
Use synonyms
 ownership has increased dramatically over the past thirty years, leading many cities in the world to big
traffic
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 jams.
This
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 essay will discuss the truth of
this
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 statement and present potential solutions that governments could implement to address
this
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 issue.
Main
Add an article
The main
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 reason for the rise in
car
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 ownership is population growth. When the number of
people
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 in the world increases,
then
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 there is a high demand for
cars
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 among
people
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.
Also
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, in many places, public transport is not very good, so
people
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 need
cars
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 to travel easily.
This
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 leads to more
traffic
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 and congestion in cities. Another reason is that
cars
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 are cheaper now.
Car
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 companies make
cars
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 at lower prices, and banks give easy loans to buy them.
As a result
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, more
people
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 buy
cars
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, and
this
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 increases
traffic
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 and pollution. Governments can take some steps to reduce
car
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 ownership.
First,
Linking Words
they can improve public transport. If buses and trains are fast, cheap, and comfortable,
people
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 will use them
instead
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 of
cars
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.
Second
Change the article
The second
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 option is to raise taxes on gasoline and automobiles. Fewer individuals will purchase
cars
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 if they are more expensive. In conclusion, having a
car
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 is beneficial, but having too many
cars
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 might lead to issues.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
 should increase the cost of
cars
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 and upgrade public transportation. By doing these actions cities can become better to live and
traffic
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 can be reduced.

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task achievement
While you have presented relevant points, providing more specific examples or evidence to support your arguments would strengthen your essay.
coherence and cohesion
To enhance the clarity of your structure, consider using more varied linking words and phrases to connect your ideas and paragraphs seamlessly.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion is concise, but it could be more impactful by summarizing key points discussed in the essay briefly.
structure
The essay is organized with a clear introduction and conclusion.
content
You have identified relevant reasons and potential solutions related to car ownership and traffic issues.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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