IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that all university students should study whatever they like. Others believe that they should only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in the future, such as those related to science and technology. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Nowadays, the world is being moved by science and technology. Some people
claimed
Wrong verb form
claim
show examples
 that university students should study subjects that could enhance
themself
Correct pronoun usage
them
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 and socialize in the future rather than their
passionate
Replace the word
passion
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, there are both advantages and disadvantages of
this
Linking Words
 idea. One of the positive
side
Change to a plural noun
sides
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,
hiring
Correct article usage
the hiring
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 rate of
fist
Correct your spelling
first
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 jobbers who were graduated from
technology
Correct article usage
the technology
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 field could
be significantly increase
Change the verb form
be significantly increased
be significantly increasing
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 over
the
Correct article usage
a
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 period of time.
As a consequence
Linking Words
, university students
whom
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
in
Add a missing verb
are in
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 science and
technology related
Add a hyphen
technology-related
show examples
course
Fix the agreement mistake
courses
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 could have more potential
get
Fix the infinitive
to get
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 a job when they graduate.
Secondly
Linking Words
, academic certification could be needed to work in
this
Linking Words
 specific field.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 that related to
this
Linking Words
 field could have
lower
Correct article usage
a lower
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 redundant possibility or in
other word
Change the wording
another word
other words
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 they are likely to be irreplaceable.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, professional life
required
Wrong verb form
requires
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 more than just a degree but
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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passion ;which is a major factor to be considered. More specifically,
passionate
Replace the word
passion
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 could drive their quality of work
Linking Words
also
Correct word choice
and also
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 a strong motivation to complete academic life.
Student
Fix the agreement mistake
Students
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 should have free will to decide which course
that
Correct word choice
apply
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they admire and want to
enroll
Change the spelling
enrol
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.
Change preposition
in.
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Moreover
Linking Words
, the outcome and the future trend are not stable and can not
be promise
Change the verb form
promise
show examples
 to be
success
Add an article
a success
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. As for
reason
Add an article
the reason
show examples
 I mentioned above,
although
Linking Words
 I believe there
both
Add a missing verb
are both
show examples
 advantages and disadvantages of choosing future
trend
Fix the agreement mistake
trends
show examples
 over their passion. Students’
opinion
Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
show examples
 should
be include
Change the verb form
be included
show examples
 in consideration.
In addition
Linking Words
,
education
Add an article
the education
show examples
 system is a free space for students to experiment and express themself
therefore
Linking Words
 they can always
changed
Change the verb form
change
show examples
 their minds and choose
their
Change the word
the
show examples
 right path.

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task achievement
Improve the introduction to clearly present both views and your opinion at the end. A more structured stance will help guide the reader through your essay.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your points. For instance, you could mention specific universities or fields where students have found success or faced challenges in regard to their chosen courses.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure transition signals are used to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. This will enhance coherence and make your arguments easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Try to vary your vocabulary and sentence structure. This will not only improve your writing style but also enhance your overall band score.
content
You provided a balanced view, discussing both sides of the argument, which is essential for this type of essay.
content
You highlighted the importance of passion in a professional life, which is a relevant and significant point to consider.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • foster
  • engagement
  • excel
  • innovative contributions
  • diversity in research
  • well-rounded education
  • broad perspectives
  • critical thinking skills
  • mental well-being
  • burnout
  • forced academic paths
  • job-ready
  • skills shortages
  • tech-driven economy
  • employment rates
  • changing job market
  • utilitarian subjects
  • aptitudes
  • wasting talent
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