IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

You want to start your own small business. Write a letter to a bank requesting information about obtaining a business loan to finance your new company. In your letter, include the following information: what kind of business you want to start how much money you need the length of time over which you would expect to repay the money

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Dear Manager, I am writing
this
Linking Words
 letter to inquire about the loan policy your bank holds for
business
Use synonyms
start ups
Add a hyphen
start-ups
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. I am about to start a new
business
Use synonyms
 related to clothing and
thus
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expecting
Wrong verb form
expect
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 to get
loan
Add an article
a loan
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 from your bank. Basically, we are launching a
ladies
Change noun form
lady's
ladies'
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 clothing brand. To initiate my work, I need to buy some machinery,
Correct word choice
and cloth
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cloth
Correct your spelling
clothes
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 and
also
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 some people will be hired
for working
Change preposition
to work
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 in the factory. There is
also
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 a need to rent some place
in
Change preposition
on
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 the outskirts of the city. After careful analysis, and
according to
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 my estimate we require almost 5 million to
pust
Correct word choice
apply
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start our
business
Use synonyms
. Because
this
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 money will be utilized for buying various accessories of our need. I am quite hopeful about the success of our
business
Use synonyms
 and
also
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 assure you
to
Correct pronoun usage
I to
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 return
this
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 amount within 15 years
as
Change preposition
in
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 monthly
installments
Change the spelling
instalments
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. Please let me know about the documents required for
applying
Add the preposition
applying for
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 the loan. I have mentioned my number
at the end
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 of the letter in case any
further
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 information is needed. Thanking in advance. Waiting for your reply. AR 25436238239

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coherence and cohesion
Consider organizing your ideas in a clearer manner, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of your request. This will enhance the logical flow of your letter.
task achievement
Make sure to proofread for minor grammar and spelling errors, such as 'pust start' instead of 'push start,' which can distract the reader.
coherence and cohesion
A more formal closing statement would be appropriate, such as 'I look forward to your response' instead of 'Waiting for your reply.'
task achievement
You clearly state the type of business you are starting and the purpose of the loan.
task achievement
The letter maintains a polite tone throughout, which is important when making requests.

The Closing

The style of the letter determine how you have to close it.

Check out the suggested closing sentences for each type of letter in the General IELTS Test. The closing sentence should be the last sentence of your letter.

Formal style (To someone you have not met, whose name you don’t know)

  • Yours faithfully,

Semi-formal (To someone you may or may not have met, whose last name you know)

  • Yours sincerely,

Informal (To someone you know well, whose first name you know and use)

  • Best regards,
  • Warm wishes,

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial forecast
  • cash flow analysis
  • target market
  • startup capital
  • business plan
  • profitability
  • repayment schedule
  • collateral
  • creditworthiness
  • entrepreneurial venture
  • capital expenditure
  • industry analysis
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