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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays many people have access to computers on a wide basis and a large number of children play computer games. What are the negative impacts of playing computer games and what can be done to minimize the bad effects?

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Today,
due to
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 improvements in technology many people can use easily computers and almost all juveniles play online
games
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 causing health problems, in
computer
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.
This
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 essay will clarify the disadvantages of
computer
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games
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 and explain ways of alleviating them. In favour of the first view, one of the drawbacks of much usage of online
games
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 is leading to an inactive lifestyle.Sitting on a chair for much
time
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not
Correct word choice
and not
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 acting
affects
Verb problem
causes
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children
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 to be exhausted physically
as well
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as
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and
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 watching the
computer
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 for much
time
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 causes their eyes to weaken.If
children
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 are attracted effortlessly to computers,they are addicted to
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computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
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 and giving up
this
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 bad habit requires patience and
time
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.Another bad aspect is imitating actions in
games
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 without realizing it.When
offsprings
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offspring
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 play fighting
games
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 together,they usually want to take place violence against peers.Starting to show violence from an early age won't be able to prevent the effects
nurturing
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of nurturing
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 of
children
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.
For instance
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,the Blue Whale was teaching juveniles to
injury
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injure
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 them and hurt others.There were many suicides owning to
this
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 game.
Altough
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Although
neqative
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negative
 impacts on health problems and nurturing, decreasing the usage of online
games
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 by parents is possible..The first solution is exercising helping be an active lifestyle.It is a necessary method of preventing serious diseases
made
Verb problem
apply
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during childhood.
Additionally
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,supervising and limiting
time
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 by parents induce
children
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 to be responsible.
While
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 supervising prohibits playing violent
games
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,limiting
time
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 allows
to
Correct pronoun usage
one to
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 enjoy
from
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apply
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other entertainment
such
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 as activities with family.
For example
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,recent
researche
Correct your spelling
research
shows that
children
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,who spend more
time
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 with their parents,are less attracted to computers than juveniles who are not monitored. In conclusion,whilst playing timeless
computer
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games
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induce
Correct subject-verb agreement
induces
show examples
 health issues and disorders in nurturing,decreasing is possible with supervising and implementing
time
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 limits.

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task achievement
Consider expanding on your ideas with more depth and explanation. For example, you could elaborate on the health effects of excessive gaming or the psychological impact of violence in games on children.
coherence and cohesion
Try to improve the logical flow of your ideas by using linking words and phrases effectively to guide the reader. For example, use 'firstly', 'secondly', 'in addition', and 'for example' to enhance connectivity.
coherence and cohesion
Be mindful of grammar, punctuation, and spelling, as small errors can detract from the overall clarity of your writing. For instance, be careful with word forms and spacing between words and punctuation marks.
task achievement
You have identified relevant negative impacts of computer games, such as health issues and behavioral imitations, which is a strong aspect of your essay.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion, clearly indicating that you will explore the negative impacts and solutions.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • addiction
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • obesity
  • eye strain
  • inappropriate content
  • social skills
  • isolation
  • academic performance
  • time limits
  • parental supervision
  • age-appropriate
  • physical activities
  • digital literacy
  • balanced computer usage
  • excessive gaming
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