IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think having a university is the best way to secure a good job. However, other believe that skill and experience is more important. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Due
is
Change preposition
to is
show examples
 rush in
Use synonyms
job
Correct article usage
the job
show examples
 market people
thought
Wrong verb form
think
show examples
 that doing study in university is the right path to secure a decent
job
Use synonyms
 and
on the other
Linking Words
hand
Use synonyms
 some prefer to attain
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 or
hand
Use synonyms
 on
experience
Use synonyms
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
professional
life
Use synonyms
. In the upcoming
paragraphs
Add a comma
paragraphs,
show examples
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will discuss both views as per the demand of
question
Add an article
the question
show examples
. Nowadays
students
Use synonyms
 think that getting graduate from university is easy and finding
Use synonyms
job
Correct article usage
a job
show examples
, with
good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 salary is
eassy
Correct your spelling
easy
. But
on the other
Linking Words
Use synonyms
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
 there is
Use synonyms
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of
compedition
Correct your spelling
competition
between
Change preposition
among
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 to get
perfect
Add an article
a perfect
show examples
job
Use synonyms
 after
degree
Correct article usage
a degree
show examples
 from
university
Add an article
the university
a university
show examples
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, during
studies
Add a comma
studies,
show examples
acadmic
Correct your spelling
academic
institute
Fix the agreement mistake
institutes
show examples
 add
Use synonyms
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of
syllabus
Fix the agreement mistake
syllabi
show examples
, which is not
helpfull
Correct your spelling
helpful
 for
students
Use synonyms
 in
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
 professional
life
Use synonyms
, as it is
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
wastage
Replace the word
waste
show examples
 of time for
students
Use synonyms
as-well-as
Correct your spelling
as well as
show examples
wastage
Correct article usage
a wastage
show examples
 of
hard earned
Add a hyphen
hard-earned
show examples
 money given by the parents. As an illustration,
students
Use synonyms
 in mechanical engineering study
Use synonyms
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 during
collage
Correct your spelling
college
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as hydro plants,
automobile
Fix the agreement mistake
automobiles
show examples
, material science, refrigeration and air
condition
Wrong verb form
conditioning
show examples
 and many other topics related to science, but in
proffesional
Correct your spelling
professional
life
Use synonyms
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 can focus on just
single
Correct article usage
a single
show examples
 path after graduation.
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Use synonyms
, people in trades
also
Linking Words
 earn
decent
Add an article
a decent
show examples
 amount of money,
buy
Correct your spelling
by
show examples
 doing
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
short term
Add a hyphen
short-term
show examples
 study in collages or trade school, but their
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
focus is to attain training as per
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
studes
Correct your spelling
studies
.
However
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 who are
skill
Replace the word
skilled
show examples
trade
Change preposition
in trade
show examples
 have more
hand
Use synonyms
 on
experience
Use synonyms
as well as
Linking Words
 knowledge related to their studies.
Moreover
Linking Words
, there are some
apprentership
Correct your spelling
apprenticeship
 programs which
gives
Change the verb form
give
show examples
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
show examples
 to
students
Use synonyms
 to earn money during
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
 training as well. And on the other side after getting
sufficent
Correct your spelling
sufficient
experience
Use synonyms
 in any trade individual can open their own business.
To conclude
Linking Words
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 personally
belevies
Correct your spelling
believe
believes
 that having
hands on
Add a hyphen
hands-on
show examples
experience
Use synonyms
 plays
Correct article usage
a vitial
show examples
vitial
Correct your spelling
vital
 role in
life
Use synonyms
, by which
Correct article usage
a persion
show examples
persion
Correct your spelling
person
persons
 can open
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
 own business, but after graduation from
Correct article usage
the institute
show examples
institute
Add a comma
institute,
show examples
 there is
Use synonyms
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of
compedition
Correct your spelling
competition
between
Change preposition
among
show examples
students
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your introduction should clearly present both sides of the argument more explicitly. Consider rephrasing 'Due is rush in job market' to 'Due to the competitive nature of the job market'. This can help in setting a stronger context for your discussion.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your arguments and examples are clearly linked. For instance, transitional phrases can guide the reader better from one view to the other. Instead of 'On the other hand', consider using 'Conversely' or 'In contrast' for clarity.
coherence and cohesion
Proofread your essay for grammatical errors and correct spelling. Words like 'thought' should be 'think', 'alot' should be 'a lot', and 'proffesional' should be 'professional'. These small errors can detract from the overall clarity of your writing.
task achievement
You introduced the topic clearly and attempted to analyze both sides, showing an understanding of the prompt.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: