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Writing Samples
Band 7

the pie chart below show the comparision of different kind of energy production of france in two years.

the pie chart below show the comparision of different kind of energy production of france in two years.
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The two charts illustrate how much
energy
Use synonyms
 was produced by five sources( coal, gas, nuclear, petrol and others) in France in two different
years
Use synonyms
 (1995 and 2005).
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 coal and gas produced more than half of all
energy
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 in two
years
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while
Linking Words
 other sources produced
least
Change the article
the least
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 power.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
production
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 of nuclear and other sources almost doubled in a decade
whereas
Linking Words
, there was a significant decline in the extraction of
energy
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 from fuel. In the year
of
Change preposition
apply
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1995, coal and gas made 29.80% and 29.63% of
energy
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 which
then
Linking Words
 increased by 1% to 30.93% and 30.31% respectively in the next decade. Over the period of 10
years
Use synonyms
 , the
production
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 of nuclear power steadily rose to 10.10%
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 was almost double
as
Correct word choice
what
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 it was in 1995 (6.40%). In 1995, the
production
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 of other energies accounted
4.90
Change preposition
for 4.90
show examples
% which
then
Linking Words
 climbed by 4% approximately to 10.10% in 2005.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, petrol produced 29.27% of all
energy
Use synonyms
production
Use synonyms
 but after 10
years
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 only 19.55% of
energy
Use synonyms
 was produced.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words energy, years, production with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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