Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crimes. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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crimes
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have
been
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apply
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rapidly increased in some communities. Many
people
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believe that governments should increase the prison period,
while
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others think that there are many different ways to limit and decrease
the
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apply
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criminal
accedants
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accidents
accident
. In
this
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essay, I will discuss both opinions and explain why I think communities should have more focus on means to stop
crimes
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.
In
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On
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one
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the one
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hand,
people
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who think that prisoners should stay longer time in jail suppose that prisoners will be able to think deeply
in
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about
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the
crime
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they did and admit
thier
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their
mistake
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mistakes
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.
For example
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, in TV interviews done three years ago with prisoners who have been in jail for more
that
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than
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one year, criminals expressed that it was a good time for them to review themselves and think in different
way
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ways
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.
This
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will help communities not only to have good
cetizens
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citizens
but
also
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spread awareness of the
crime
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impact
on
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has on
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societies.
On the other hand
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, others stress
on
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apply
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finding other methods to reduce and
controll
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control
crimes
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. Because governments should not deal with criminals in prisons only.
Moreover
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, many
crimes
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are still happening in the community and
this
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should be monitored.
For instance
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, poverty is a serious problem that caused many
crimes
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recently, a study showed that the
crime
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precentage
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percentage
is 10% higher in
the
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apply
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poor societies. In my
opinion
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opinion,
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more efforts should be invested in finding the
crime
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causes rather than extending the
punishement
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punishment
period. In conclusion,
crimes
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in human societies should be reduced.
This
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could be done in many ways.
However
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, governments should collaborate with
people
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to find solutions for their problems which force them to be guilty. I strongly believe that keeping the guilty
people
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in
preson
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person
prison
is not a proper way
decreasing
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to decrease
show examples
the
crime
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numbers.

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Task Achievement
The introduction clearly presents the topic and states your opinion, but it could be more engaging by paraphrasing the prompt more effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
The main points are generally clear, but ensure that each point logically leads to the next. Some transitions between ideas could be smoother.
Task Achievement
Try to use a wider variety of vocabulary and sentence structures to enhance the overall quality of the essay. Avoid phrases like 'in one hand,' which should be 'on one hand.'
Task Achievement
When providing examples, ensure they directly support your main points more closely. The examples could be elaborated on for clarity.
Task Achievement
You demonstrate a clear understanding of both perspectives regarding crime reduction, which is important for this type of essay.
Task Achievement
Your opinion is clearly stated, which adds strength to your argument and helps in overall clarity.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • deterrent
  • rehabilitation
  • recidivism
  • restorative justice
  • vocational training
  • root causes
  • accountability
  • substance abuse
  • integrate back into society
  • mental health care
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