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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The percentage of women going into higher education in five countries

The bar chart represents the percentage of women going into higher education in different countries from 1980 till 2015.
While
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 the vertical axis shows the percentage values, the horizontal one lists 5 countries like UK, the USA, Australia, South Korea, and France.
Overall
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, all countries have a positive proportion increase.
This
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 shows that in 2015 there are higher number of female high-school students compared to 1980.
However
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, South Korea shows the lowest index of women in higher education, compared to the other four remaining nations with relatively greater results South Korea shows a positive trend, even with the lowest values. Female visitors to higher education in
this
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 country show a dramatic rise, that doubled from 15% to 30%.
Moreover
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, France shows one of the lowest data increases with a change of 4% through the 35-year period.
Furthermore
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, Women in the United Kingdom and the United States of America show relatively the same results before and after.
However
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, the USA had the same value of 58% in 2015 as Australia in both years, which makes it the most invariable.

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coherence and cohesion
The introduction could be more engaging by briefly summarizing the trends or the significance of the data presented in the bar chart.
task achievement
Some comparisons could be elaborated on for clarity, such as directly comparing South Korea's growth with that of Australia or the USA to give a clearer context.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion could benefit from a summary of the two countries that showed the highest percentages, to provide a more rounded completion to the analysis.
task achievement
You successfully presented a clear overview of trends in women's higher education across various countries over time.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of your essay is logical, with a clear introduction and body paragraphs focusing on specific countries.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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