IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that all university students should study whatever course they like. Others believe that they should only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in the future, such as those related to science and technology. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

The problem of whether or not students should prefer
cources
Correct your spelling
courses
sources
, which have a useful potential has sparked
hited
Correct word choice
a heated
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 debate. Some individuals argue that it is necessary for society to prepare qualified experts.
However
Linking Words
, I contend that
variety
Correct article usage
a variety
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 of
professinals
Correct your spelling
professionals
 is a key to
valid
Correct article usage
a valid
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 fill of needs. There are several reasons why
people
Use synonyms
 maintain the idea of domination
of
Change preposition
in
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 some directions,
such
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 as science or engineering with the main one being that developing industries often rise and experience deficiency.
For example
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, nowadays there is a lack of employees who specialise
on
Change preposition
in
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 informational technologies. In
such
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 countries as China,
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
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 and Germany, there are intensive streams of programmers, online security agents etc. from
whole
Change the article
the whole
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 world.
Moreover
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, there is a logic, that as more there will be science workers, as more there will be innovations and inventions.
From
Change preposition
On
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 the other hand,
attempt
Wrong verb form
attempting
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 to mix all
yongs
Correct your spelling
songs
 in one bowl may lead to destructive consequences, when most of them will be out of
sphere
Add an article
the sphere
show examples
. In
Correct article usage
the 1960's
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1960's
Fix apostrophe usage
1960s
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 USSR tried to ameliorate
the
Correct article usage
apply
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agriculture.
Then
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 a lot of
people
Use synonyms
 came to Kazakhstan and cultivated crops with alacrity.
As a result
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, excessive
earth works
Correct your spelling
earthworks
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 had destroyed soil and
project
Correct article usage
the project
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 had failed.
Then
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 most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
machine operators, agronomists and
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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 had lost their perspectives. Another cogent example is a tendency to study jurisprudence or economics
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 when most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Add an article
the alumnuses
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alumnuses
Correct your spelling
alumni
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 could not find a place in the
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
 market
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because
this
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 sphere was overfilled.
In addition
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,
world
Add an article
the world
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also
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 needs
people
Use synonyms
 who will work in specialized works, so that
people
Use synonyms
 should get education in the order of needs of the society.
To sum up
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, it is important to improve spheres, which help
world
Add an article
the world
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 and where
Correct pronoun usage
there is
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 a
lavk
Correct your spelling
lot
 of minds.
However
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attempt
Wrong verb form
attempting
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 to educate
people
Use synonyms
 only in several directions may
leed
Correct your spelling
lead
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 to disbalance, where a lot of them will not find an opportunity to use their specialization
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 so
that
Correct word choice
apply
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it will be better
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 if
people
Use synonyms
 will study
courses
Correct article usage
the courses
show examples
 they think they need.

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Task Achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly outlines the main points you will discuss and establish your position more explicitly.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure that all arguments and paragraphs have a clear and logical flow, linking ideas more effectively with transition phrases.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples and explanations to support your arguments, particularly in the second paragraph.
Task Achievement
You present a balanced view of both perspectives, which is important for this type of essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your points and reinforces your opinion.
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