IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Directors and managers of organisations are often older people. Some people say that it is better for younger people to be leaders. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays most working places directors and managers are from the old
age
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 group , some people believe young
age
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 skilful
employees
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 should have the chance to manage and direct the
work
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. In my opinion ,
age
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 is a mirror for experience , older
employees
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 have more maturity , experience ,strong
communication
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 and relationships . For
this
Linking Words
 , they are the best leaders compared to younger
age
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 workers.
Old
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Old-age
show examples
age
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 bosses have different
skills
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 that help them to lead the
work
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 and have the best results, one of them is experience.
Employees
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 keep growing every year at multiple different levels, they become more mature and develop
the
Correct article usage
apply
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problem solving
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problem-solving
show examples
skills
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 . Those
skills
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 come from situations
need
Correct pronoun usage
that need
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 strong decisions in a limited
time
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 from an expert to reduce the consequences.
For example
Linking Words
 , in the hospital consulters who are older in ages in teams , make important ideas to manage pandemics like Corona and bed crises as they have been in
this
Linking Words
 situation multiple times and they know the best for the patient and staff,
while
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 the young specialists or general practitioners that may be their first
time
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 in
this
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 position and have to learn from it. When workers spend long
time
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 or years on the job they build different
communication
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skills
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 inside and outside the workplace, that could help them to achieve goals and
work
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 visions in easy and simple ways. Newly graduated or young workers in the workplace need more
time
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 to build trust and to know the other
employees
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 , so it will be very difficult for them to lead the group because
communication
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 is the key to
work
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 success .
For instance
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 ,
the
Correct article usage
a
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 manager who is 60 years old and has worked in a company for more than 10 years can bring easily clients and other companies to cooperate with him
due to
Linking Words
 the long and strong relations. In conclusion,
age
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 is considered a significant factor in choosing directors to help achieve the
work
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 vision, because older
employees
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 have
a
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apply
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respect , excellent
communication
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skills
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 and are experts in their fields compared to younger
age
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employees
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Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction could be clearer and more engaging to set the tone for your argument. Consider rephrasing to outline the main points that will be discussed.
Task Achievement
Although your main points are valid, they can be elaborated further for depth. Adding more analysis or exploring counterarguments can enhance your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly connects back to the main thesis regarding the age of managers and directors. Tightening the focus on how these points specifically relate to the argument will improve coherence.
Task Achievement
Strong focus on the value of experience and communication skills as factors contributing to effective leadership.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Wealth of experience
  • Historical knowledge
  • Fresh perspectives
  • Innovative ideas
  • Adaptability
  • Technological advancements
  • Team cohesion
  • Morale
  • Calculated risks
  • Significant advancements
  • Mentorship
  • Transfer of knowledge
  • Energy and drive
  • Refined decision-making skills
  • Younger workforce
  • Leadership development
  • Organizational dynamics
  • Risk-taking mindset
  • Change management
  • Intergenerational collaboration
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