IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

studies suggest that the rise in the consumption of junk food is the major cause of obesity, some people argue that this problem can be tackled to a graet extent by increasing the price of these food items. do you agree or disagree?

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In recent decades, obesity has become a major global health concern, and many experts believe that the rising consumption of
junk
Use synonyms
food
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 is one of the leading causes. some
peple
Correct your spelling
people
 argue that
this
Linking Words
 issue can be effectively addressed
bu
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by
show examples
 raising the
peice
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price
piece
 of unhealthy
food
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 items.
i
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I
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 completely agree with
this
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 view, as increasing the cost of
junk
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food
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 could discourage its consumption and promote healthier lifestyles. First of all, higher prices can reduce the frequency
ith
Correct your spelling
with
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 which people, especially
low income
Add a hyphen
low-income
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 class, purchase
junk
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food
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. many
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
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hoose
Correct your spelling
choose
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 fast
food
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 and sugary snacks not only because
the
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they
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 taste good but because they are cheap and they can order
it
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them
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 online. if these products become more expensive, people might be less likely to buy them
regulary
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regularly
 and
instead
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 look
ror
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for
healtheir
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healthier
,
regulary
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regularly
regulatory
 and
instead
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 look for healthier.
for example
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, in some countries, a tax on sugar drinks has already led to a significant drop in sales.
morefuther
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forefather
, increasing the price of
junk
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food
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 can send a clear message. it highlights
thet
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that
 these items are harmful to health and should be consumed in moderation. similar strategies have been effective
on
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in
show examples
 reducing smoking rates, where taxes on tobacco products made them less accessible and less appealing, especially to young people. in the same way, a price increase
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
junk
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food
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 public
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
 over time. in conclusion,
junk
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food
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taste
Change the verb form
tastes
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 good and
not
Add a missing verb
is not
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 pricey after a long working day
junk
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food
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 going to be the best option to eat
instead
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 is cooking it
make
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makes
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 life easy
that is
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 why everyone
eat
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eats
show examples
 it, but
is
Correct your spelling
it
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 have a
nigtave
Correct your spelling
negative
 side which is obesity it means the chance to get haert attacke and high blood pressure increases.
on the other hand
Linking Words
, kids struggle they can not run and play like any normal kid which is sad.
Increase
Wrong verb form
Increasing
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 the price of
junk
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food
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 could be the best option but we need to create a new healthy option.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that relates directly to your thesis. This can help improve the overall logical structure of your essay.
task achievement
Make sure to elaborate on your points. For instance, explain why healthier alternatives are important and how they could be made more accessible.
language accuracy
Double-check for spelling and grammatical errors, as these can distract readers from your message. For example, 'great' is misspelled as 'graet'.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear argument supporting the idea that increasing the price of junk food may help tackle obesity, which is a relevant stance on the issue.
task achievement
You provided a pertinent example of the tax on sugary drinks that had a positive effect on sales, demonstrating your understanding of cause and effect in relation to your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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