IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In some countries, university students live at home with their families while they study, whereas in other countries students attend university in another city. Do you think the benefits of living away from home during university outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experinced.

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In many nations in our world, university
students
Use synonyms
 either live
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their homes or move to another city for their education by living
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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campus, nowadays.
While
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 staying at
home
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 has its own pros, I believe that the advantages of living independently during university outweigh the disadvantages.
To begin
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 with, one of the most fascinating benefits of living away from
home
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 is the development of independence.
Students
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 who manage their own accommodation, meals and budgets become more responsible.
This
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 experience prepares them for adult life more effectively than staying in a familiar environment.
Furthermore
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, living in a different city can expose
students
Use synonyms
 to diverse cultures and viewpoints which enhances their social skills and adaptability.
In addition
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, I totally believe that
this
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 advancement will create
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 chapter of their life.
On the other hand
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, there are
also
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 some drawbacks. Living away from family can be emotionally challenging for some
students
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 who struggle with homesickness. In fact,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
homesickness is one of the most harmful issues
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
found in
students
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 who study far from their
Use synonyms
home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
show examples
, especially
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 United States of America which is
the
Correct article usage
a
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 country that each states located very distant from
each
Correct determiner usage
apply
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other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 states.
Also
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, managing rent, bills and food can be stressful and might distract
students
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 from their studies. Despite these challenges, many
students
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 grow through these experiences and learn valuable life skills. To sum it up,
although
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 living at
home
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 offers comfort and fewer responsibilities, the long-term benefits of independence and personal development obtained by living far apart are more significant.
Therefore
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, I believe that the advantages clearly outweigh the disadvantages for most
students
Use synonyms
 in the world.

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task achievement
Consider providing more concrete examples or personal experiences to strengthen your arguments, particularly in the main points.
coherence and cohesion
Try to use clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader through your arguments.
task achievement
For the counter-argument, you could elaborate more on the disadvantages to provide a better balance and depth to your analysis.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction clearly states your position and the main points you'll discuss, providing a good roadmap for the essay.
task achievement
You've effectively highlighted the personal development aspect of living away from home, which is a strong point and quite relatable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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