IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the e society in which they are sold. To what extent do you agree or disagree? reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own Give knowledge or experience.

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It is argued that the high level of cost in well-known
products
Use synonyms
 demonstrates how
advertisements
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 are strong
instead
Linking Words
 of
needs
Correct article usage
the needs
show examples
 of
people
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 to them.
This
Linking Words
 essay agrees with
this
Linking Words
 standpoint for different reasons,
such
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 as despite selling unhealthy
products
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, being well-known and
cannot
Verb problem
not
show examples
be
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 popular with ads. First of all,
advertisements
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 play a crucial role in
business
Add an article
the business
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 market. Most successful
companies
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 sell their
products
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due to
Linking Words
 good advertising.
Although
Linking Words
 some
companies
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 do not cover
needs
Correct article usage
the needs
show examples
 of customers, they advertise their
products
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, and as
result
Correct article usage
a result
show examples
people
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 turn to buy them.
Coca Cola
Add a hyphen
Coca-Cola
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company
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,
for example
Linking Words
, has been living for about 100 years because of its advertisement ability.
This
Linking Words
company
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 lunches fizzy drinks which are not healthy and exports them
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
all over
world
Correct article usage
the world
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. So, it does not produce goods that
are
Verb problem
meet
show examples
people
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's needs,
however
Linking Words
,
advertisements
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 have made it one of the dominant
companies
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 in the world. Another point to consider is that
real
Correct article usage
the real
show examples
 needs of the community cannot be popular, in most cases. All
people
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 need food, water and so on. Every
company
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 can produce and sell them to
people
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 easily.
While
Linking Words
 buying them, individuals pay attention to their costs and prefer cheaper ones, because all of them are the same
products
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.
For instance
Linking Words
,
people
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 go to the markets and see the same product from the different
companies
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. If a
company
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 advertises its
products
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 and
sell
Correct subject-verb agreement
sells
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 expensive and another
company
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 do
its
Change the word
the
show examples
 opposite,
this
Linking Words
 time buyers prefer
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products
Correct article usage
the products
show examples
 of the second
company
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, because they need
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them and they can not see any differences between them except
from
Change preposition
for
show examples
 costs. In conclusion, taking all the aforementioned points into account, I am convinced that good
advertisements
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 make
companies
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 popular,
although
Linking Words
 they do not sell items which
people
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 need. At the same time,
companies
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 which produce real needs to cover
people
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’s
need
Fix the agreement mistake
needs
show examples
 cannot be well-known even
they
Correct word choice
if they
show examples
 advertise. --- İstəyirsənsə, bu esseyə rəy verə və ya səviyyəsini artırmaq üçün təkmilləşdirə bilərəm. Davam edək?

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task achievement
Improve your introduction by providing a clearer thesis statement that outlines your main points. Avoid starting with phrases like 'It is argued that,' and instead express your agreement or disagreement directly.
coherence and cohesion
Enhance cohesion by using more varied linking words to connect your ideas smoothly. For example, use 'Furthermore,' 'In addition,' or 'Moreover' to introduce new points or examples.
task achievement
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that you fully develop it. Some points, such as the impact of advertisements, could benefit from deeper analysis and more specific examples.
coherence and cohesion
Consider rephrasing sentences for clarity and grammatical accuracy. For instance, 'Coca Cola company, for example, has been living for about 100 years' could be revised to 'The Coca-Cola Company has been successful for nearly 100 years due to its effective advertising strategies.'
task achievement
You provided relevant examples, such as the Coca-Cola Company, which helped to illustrate your points effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear conclusion that summarizes your main argument, which is an important aspect of writing.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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