IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Today, the high sales of popular consumer goods reflect the power of advertising and not the real needs of the e society in which they are sold. To what extent do you agree or disagree? reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own Give knowledge or experience.(2)

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It is argued that the high level of cost in well-known
products
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 demonstrates how
advertisements
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 are strong
instead
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 of the needs of
people
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 to them.
This
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 essay agrees with
this
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 standpoint for different reasons,
such
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 as
despite
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apply
show examples
selling unhealthy
products
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, being well-known and not being popular with ads. First of all,
advertisements
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 play a crucial role in the business market. Most successful
companies
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 sell their
products
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due to
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 good advertising.
Although
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 some
companies
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 do not cover the needs of customers, they advertise their
products
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, and
as a
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result
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result,
show examples
people
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 turn to buy them. Coca-Cola
company
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,
for example
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, has been living for about 100 years because of its advertisement ability.
This
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company
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 lunches fizzy drinks which are not healthy and exports them all over the world. So, it does not produce goods that meet
people
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's needs,
however
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,
advertisements
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 have made it one of the dominant
companies
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 in the world. Another point to consider is that the real needs of the community cannot be popular, in most cases. All
people
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 need food, water and so on. Every
company
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 can produce and sell them to
people
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 easily.
While
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 buying them, individuals pay attention to their costs and prefer cheaper ones, because all of them are the same
products
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.
For instance
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,
people
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 go to the markets and see the same product from the different
companies
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. If a
company
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 advertises its
products
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 and sells expensive and another
company
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 do the opposite,
this
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 time buyers prefer the
products
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 of the second
company
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,
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apply
show examples
 because they need them and they can not see any differences between them except for costs. In conclusion, taking all the aforementioned points into account, I am convinced that good
advertisements
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 make
companies
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 popular,
although
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 they do not sell items which
people
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 need. At the same time,
companies
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 which produce real needs to cover
people
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’s needs cannot be well-known even if they advertise.

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task achievement
Try to provide a clearer thesis statement in the introduction. It’s important to explicitly state your opinion on the topic to guide the reader.
coherence and cohesion
Enhance your paragraph structure by ensuring each paragraph has a clear main idea and use linking words to improve flow between sentences and ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Use more varied vocabulary and complex sentence structures to demonstrate a higher level of English proficiency.
task achievement
You have presented a clear opinion on the topic and provided examples to support your points.
task achievement
The use of a relevant example, such as Coca-Cola, effectively illustrates the point about advertisement strength.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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