IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Medical industry has undergone a significant progress in the 100-year-period. The innovation of vaccines leads to appropriateMedical industry has undergone a significant progress in the 100-year-period.

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Medical
Add an article
The medical
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 industry has undergone
a
Remove the article
apply
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significant progress in the
100-year-period
Correct your spelling
100-year period
. The innovation of vaccines leads to
appropriate
Correct article usage
the appropriate
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 prevention of fatal diseases,
while
Linking Words
application
Correct article usage
the application
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 of algorithm contributes to more accurate diagnoses.
This
Linking Words
 means that
life
Correct article usage
the life
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expectency
Correct your spelling
expectancy
 of human rose dramatically and their physical and mental well-being has
fullfilled
Correct your spelling
fulfilled
.
For example
Linking Words
, after the
invation
Correct your spelling
innovation
invitation
invasion
 of
Covid-19
Correct your spelling
COVID-19
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 vaccines in 2022, people worldwide no longer
suffered
Wrong verb form
suffer
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 from the illness and returned to
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society.
Human
Correct article usage
The human
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 race thrived again.

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task achievement
Your introduction provides a good overview of the topic, but it could be clearer with more context or a thesis statement outlining the main points you will discuss.
coherence and cohesion
Try to ensure logical flow between sentences and paragraphs. The transitions between your ideas could be improved to enhance readability.
coherence and cohesion
Check for minor spelling and grammatical errors ('expectency' should be 'expectancy', and 'invation' should be 'invention'). Such inaccuracies can distract from your overall message.
task achievement
The essay addresses important advancements in the medical industry, such as vaccines and algorithms for diagnoses.
task achievement
You provided a relevant example about Covid-19 vaccines, which helps to illustrate your point effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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