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Writing Samples
Band 4

The chart below gives Information about the percentage of the adult population who were overweight in four different countries in 1980, 1990 and 2000

The chart below gives Information about the percentage of the adult population who were overweight in four different countries in 1980, 1990 and 2000
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The graph demonstrates the alteration of corpulent people in 4 various countries in 1980, 1990, 2000 It is readily apparent that the USA experienced
gradual
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a gradual
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 increase over the entire period with the exception of Japan which remained more or less the same. The level of obesity in Finland and Australia had more
changing
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changes
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 than
Japan
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in Japan
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 In 1980 the most corpulent people in the USA
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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accounted for 15% which kept on increasing over the interval of 2 decades from 25% to 30%.
On the other hand
Linking Words
 in
Japan
Add a comma
Japan,
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 overweight adults amounted to 2% and in the following 20 years hiked by 3% in 2000 In 1980 Finnish and Australian
people
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people's
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 percentage who suffered from obesity was the same about 6%. In the first decade there was
not
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no
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 serious
changing
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change
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of
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in
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 the corpulent degree which observed the difference was almost 4%. In 2000 Finland had nearly doubled the proportion of adiposity

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Add more linking words.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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