IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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Population in the countryside is decreasing because
of
Change preposition
apply
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rural people are moving to
cities
Use synonyms
 in many
countries
Use synonyms
 around the world. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I would like to evaluate
this
Linking Words
 situation. In my opinion, The reason
of
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apply
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the rural people are moving to
cities
Use synonyms
Add a missing verb
is that
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that
Correct determiner usage
the
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investment
Use synonyms
politicy
Correct your spelling
policy
politics
 of governments. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
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today's world, the most popular things are that earn a lot of money,
buy
Wrong verb form
buying
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 luxury houses and cars, wear expensive things.
The social
Correct article usage
Social
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 media have a significant impact on
about
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apply
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that. Consumption and
society
Replace the word
societal
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 habits play a crucial role in
economic
Add an article
the economic
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investment
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 of investors.
For instance
Linking Words
, the investor can invest
to
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in
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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women
Change noun form
women's
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 bag brands
instead
Linking Words
 of
agriculture
Add an article
the agriculture
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 sector, we can't say that
this
Linking Words
 is a wrong decision because actually government and capitalism
contribute
Rephrase
actually contribute
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 to
this
Linking Words
 decision.
In addition
Linking Words
, If the rural people feel worthless and cannot improve their own
econonmic
Correct your spelling
economic
 situation, can decide migration to
cities
Use synonyms
.
Whereas
Linking Words
, agriculture, production and animal husbandry have a crucial role
for
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in
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health
Correct article usage
the health
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 and development of
countries
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, governments do not sufficiently
supported
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support
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 these fields. The increase
moving
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in moving
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 to
cities
Use synonyms
, causes
of
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apply
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culture clash, unemployment,
inadequacy
Add an article
the inadequacy
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 of infrastructure and nature destruction. In
this
Linking Words
 way,
this
Linking Words
 decision leads to an increase in
consumption
Correct article usage
the consumption
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 of natural resources and
this
Linking Words
is pose
Change the verb form
poses
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 a threat
tofor
Correct your spelling
to
 all governments,
countries
Use synonyms
 and even
so
Correct word choice
apply
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the world.
Finally
Linking Words
, the balance
about
Change preposition
of
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 the population of
countries
Use synonyms
contribute
Change the verb form
contributes
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 to economic and social improvement.
Investment
Use synonyms
 decisions for all economic areas
such
Linking Words
 as agriculture, animal husbandry, production, innovation and technological invention should be taken in a way that supports the balanced growth of these areas. The increase
moving
Change preposition
in moving
show examples
 to
cities
Use synonyms
,
show
Correct subject-verb agreement
shows
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 us
this
Linking Words
investment
Use synonyms
 can't
manage
Wrong verb form
be managed
show examples
 properly.
Last
Linking Words
 but not least, It wouldn't be wrong to say that the decreasing of population in the countryside is a
negatively
Change the adverb
negative
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 development.

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure that you structure your essay clearly with distinct paragraphs for the introduction, body, and conclusion. This will help readers follow your argument more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid using overly complex sentences that might confuse readers. Simplify your language where possible to express your ideas clearly.
task achievement
Make sure to support your main points with clearer examples and explanations. This will strengthen your arguments and make them more convincing.
task achievement
Be careful with grammatical structures. Revise sentence constructions to avoid awkward phrasing occasionally found in your text.
task achievement
You presented a viewpoint on the issue, which shows your ability to engage with the topic and express an opinion.
task achievement
You mentioned relevant topics, such as the role of government investment and the impact of social media, which are thought-provoking and relevant to the discussion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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