IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

many people think that mobile phone should be banned in public places such as libraries, shops and public transport. do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It most claimed that like smoking, mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 should be interdicted in some places
due to
Linking Words
 their fatal effects.
While
Linking Words
 I accept that the use of mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 is antisocial in some ways, I believe it has more benefits and
therefore
Linking Words
 On the one hand, I agree that the use of mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 can sometimes be antisocial.
Firstly
Linking Words
, mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 fuel addictive
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
,
such
Linking Words
 as compulsive checking of notifications, which distracts users from real-life interactions and responsibilities. Studies show that excessive screen time correlates with decreased attention spans and weaker interpersonal skills.
Secondly
Linking Words
, privacy concerns arise when loud phone calls or public use of speakers intrude on others’ personal space, similar to secondhand smoke in shared environments.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, banning mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 is unjustified
due to
Linking Words
 their significant benefits. Primarily, they bridge distances, enabling seamless communication between loved ones,
such
Linking Words
 as international students connecting with family via calls or video chats.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, smartphones offer practical tools like navigation and weather updates, simplifying daily tasks. Unlike smoking, which poses severe health risks, the downsides of mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 are relatively minor and manageable. In summary, despite their occasional antisocial nature, mobile
phones
Use synonyms
 should not be prohibited given their
overall
Linking Words
 positive impact on modern life.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Work on clearly presenting your main points with more specific examples to enhance clarity and comprehensiveness.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that your paragraphs are distinctly organized and linked more smoothly to help the reader follow your argument more easily.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to define your position clearly in the introduction and consider adding a brief restatement of your main argument in the conclusion for emphasis.
task achievement
Your essay presents a balanced view, acknowledging both sides of the argument is commendable.
task achievement
You effectively address the topic and engage with relevant issues surrounding mobile phone usage.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • banned
  • public places
  • libraries
  • shops
  • public transport
  • disruptive
  • disturb
  • safety hazard
  • distraction
  • reduce productivity
  • convenient
  • useful information
  • responsibly
What to do next:
Look at other essays: