IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasize that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

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In the prevailing era, companies highlight the new features of the
products
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while
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 advertising
about
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apply
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their
items
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.
This
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 trend occurs because of stiff competition among companies and I contemplate that it is a negative development. Commencing with the most salient reason why
corporation
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corporations
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pay
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pays
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 attention to
new
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a new
the new
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 quality of their
items
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 in
advertisement
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the advertisement
an advertisement
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 is that
due to
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cut-thorat
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cut-throat
 competition among agencies , sometimes it is quite
challanging
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challenging
 for them to earn profits and increase their sales. Because every brand claims that they have the best
products
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 in the market and their goods have fascinating new features.
As a result
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,
hey
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they
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 need to employ innovative advertising ideas and business strategy to show their prospective customers that their
products
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 have something. I believe that
it
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apply
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highlighting new things of the goods by businesses in advertisements is a pervasive trend because it allures people to buy new
items
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. Individuals especially youngsters are excited to buy new
items
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 and experience the
products
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 that can put the financial
burdon
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burden
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 on parent's shoulders. As they spend a large amount of money on them. After using
once
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it once
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 or twice time, they throw
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products
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the products
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 away. Because they realize later that the
items
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 are not suitable for them.
To conclude
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, I believe that companies have to underline new factors of their
items
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while
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 promoting their
products
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 in order to beat the fierce competition so that their businesses can earn revenue.
This
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 trend is not conducive
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because
beacuse
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because
 it attracts people to purchase
items
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 and lavish money is spent by them on goods

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task achievement
Your introduction presents the main idea but could be clearer. Consider rephrasing to specify the reasons elaborated upon later in the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are quite long and may confuse the reader. Try to break them into smaller sentences for better clarity.
task achievement
You mention how advertising new features can lead to unnecessary spending, but you could strengthen your point with specific examples or statistics to back up your claims.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion reiterates your main points but could be more decisive. It might help to briefly restate whether you ultimately believe this trend is harmful or beneficial to society.
task achievement
You have clearly expressed your opinion in the essay, which is a vital component of the task.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a logical flow, moving from the introduction to the main points and a conclusion, which shows consideration for structure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Innovation
  • Fast-paced
  • Distinguishing
  • Psychological aspect
  • Inherently
  • Perceived
  • Continuous improvement
  • Revolutionary
  • Feasible
  • Throwaway culture
  • Undervalue
  • Longevity
  • Obscure
  • Novelty
  • Unsatisfactory
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