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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The bar chart shows the number of male and female students doing scientific research across a range of disciplines at a UK university in 2009.

The bar chart shows the number of male and female students doing scientific research across a range of disciplines at a UK university in 2009.
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The graph illustrates
Correct article usage
the numbers
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numbers
Fix the agreement mistake
number
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 of students who
doing
Change the form of the verb
do
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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different scientific
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
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 in six different
disiplines
Correct your spelling
disciplines
physic
Replace the word
physics
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, astronomy, Geology, Biology,
Medicine
Use synonyms
 and Veterinary
medicine
Use synonyms
 at a UK university in 2009
..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
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Overall
Linking Words
, it is noticeable
that
Linking Words
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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the highest research
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
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 were related to male
geneder
Correct your spelling
gender
 in all the disciplines, except in Veterinary
medicine
Use synonyms
 which
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
women
Use synonyms
 had
higher
Add an article
a higher
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 number of published
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
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Accourding
Correct your spelling
According
 to what is shown, men prefer to
published
Wrong verb form
publish
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 more in Physics, Astronomy and Geology compared to
women
Use synonyms
. with more than doubled the numbers in these disciplines.
While
Linking Words
 the only subject that men and
women
Use synonyms
 had
approximetly
Correct your spelling
approximately
 same number is Biology. In terms of Veterinary
Medicine
Use synonyms
, the only subject that
women
Use synonyms
 had more
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
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 with almost 100 researches.
While
Linking Words
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
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 had 60.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words medicine, women with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "numbers of" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • gender distribution
  • scientific disciplines
  • disciplines
  • societal expectations
  • educational opportunities
  • gender disparities
  • notable trends
  • implications
  • scientific community
  • research output
  • educational reforms
  • policies
  • awareness
  • inclusivity
  • diversity programs
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