IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

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Nowadays
people
Use synonyms
 from
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
show examples
 are moving to urban
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area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
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 in many countries around the world.
As a consequence
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, the downfall of
population
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the population
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 in the rural
area
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are
Change the verb form
is
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become
Wrong verb form
becoming
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 more concern.
This
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 essay will argue that
while
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 there are some benefits to
this
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 trend, the negative impacts on urban
resources
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 and rural development outweigh them. One of the disadvantages of rural
people
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 relocation is the increase of
resources
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demanding
Wrong verb form
demanded
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 in urban
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area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
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due to
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 the
amount
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number
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 of city citizens that become overwhelming
resources
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such
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 as food, medical and energy
demanding
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demands
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. In
addtion
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addition
, food
demanding
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demand
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 may be a serious reason for environmental issues
due to
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 the
needed
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need
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of
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for
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 food delivery from
articualtural
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agricultural
horticultural
that
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apply
show examples
located in rural areas.
Furthermore
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, the lack of residential
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area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 might
affects
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affect
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 the price of housing in the cities and lead to congestion of
people
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 during rush hour. More specifically, the effect of the relocation is that rural
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area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 could stay undeveloped
whereas
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 urban
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area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 could become dramatically developed.
On the other hand
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, It is noticeable that rural
people
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 will
received
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receive
show examples
 more opportunities in town and
potential
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the potential
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 to
sent
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send
show examples
 money to their
relative
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relatives
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thoses
Correct your spelling
those
 who live in their hometown.
As a result
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,
countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
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 could
moderatedly
Correct your spelling
moderately
 develop by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
profit. As a reason I
mentions
Wrong verb form
mentioned
show examples
 above, there are more opportunities in the urban
area
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 and
people
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desired
Wrong verb form
desire
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 to make more money.
However
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, I strongly believe that
negative
Correct article usage
the negative
show examples
sides
Fix the agreement mistake
side
show examples
 of
this
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 statement overtook the positive aspect the reason is the demand
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
resources
Use synonyms
 might increase the price of
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
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 in urban
Use synonyms
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 and affect the
world
Change noun form
world's
show examples
 environment. In my view, there are opportunities in every
conner
Correct your spelling
corner
show examples
 of the cities.

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grammar
Make sure to correct grammatical errors to improve clarity. For example, change 'are become' to 'is becoming' and 'demanding' to 'demand'.
examples
Try to provide more specific examples to support your points, such as statistics or studies about urban migration.
cohesion
Enhance the logical flow of ideas by using cohesive devices like 'however', 'furthermore', and 'on the contrary' more effectively throughout the essay.
content
The essay presents a clear argument regarding the positive and negative aspects of rural to urban migration.
structure
The structure of the essay is clear, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
What to do next:
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