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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart below shows the results of a survey about people's coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five Australian cities. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the results of a survey about people's coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five Australian cities. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The presented bar chart illustrates the comparison of
coffee
Use synonyms
 and tea buying and drinking habits in five cities in Australia. As is observed, we can see that the number of habits in five cities in Australia experienced a fluctuation and started at different levels.
Additionally
Linking Words
, it’s clear that,
bought
Wrong verb form
buying
show examples
 fresh and
instant
Use synonyms
coffee
Use synonyms
 in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 4
weeks
Use synonyms
steady
Change the word
steadily
show examples
 rose,
while
Linking Words
went
Wrong verb form
going
show examples
 to a cafe for
coffee
Use synonyms
 or tea in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 4
weeks
Use synonyms
drop
Wrong verb form
dropped
show examples
 slightly. In detail, bought fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
 in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 4
weeks
Use synonyms
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 Sydney hit a peak at 43% and
Melbourne
Change preposition
in Melbourne
show examples
, Brisbane, Adelaide,
Hobart
Correct word choice
and Hobart
show examples
 considerable fall still at 42%, 33%, 34% and 38%.Hobart has the largest number of bought
instant
Use synonyms
coffee
Use synonyms
 in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 4
weeks
Use synonyms
 in 5 countries and
reaches
Wrong verb form
reached
show examples
 54%, next was Brisbane with 52%, Adelaide
to occupy
Change the verb form
occupied
show examples
 50%, Melbourne with 47% and
finally
Linking Words
 Sydney
to get
Verb problem
with
show examples
 46%. The data on people’s habits went to a cafe for
coffee
Use synonyms
 or tea in
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 4
weeks
Use synonyms
 of 5 countries, there was a significant increase compared to bought fresh and
instant
Use synonyms
.
At
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Melbourne, Sydney, Brisbane,
Hobart
Correct word choice
and Hobart
show examples
 jump steadily and
to get
Change the verb form
got
show examples
 63%, 61%,56%,
62
Correct word choice
and 62
show examples
%. Adelaide to occupy 49% and lower than bought
instant
Use synonyms
coffee
Use synonyms
 a little.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Contractions: Don't use contractions.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words coffee, instant, weeks with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • survey
  • coffee
  • tea
  • buying habits
  • drinking habits
  • Australian cities
  • consumption
  • respondents
  • regular
  • participants
  • levels
  • observed
  • popular
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