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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart shows the percentage of adult male smokers in seven countries along with the world average in 2000 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart shows the percentage of adult male smokers in seven countries along with the world average in 2000 and 2015. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The bar chart compares the proportion of the male population that smokes in two years: 2000 and 2015.
Overall
Linking Words
, it suggests that the less people smoking world wide, but the trend is not the same in all countries. Between 2000 and 2015, the percentage of adult male
smokers
Use synonyms
 worlwide dropped by almost 10%, from a bit more than 40% to around 30%.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 percentage
also
Linking Words
 decreased in several countries: Armenia, Bangladesh, Cuba, Mexico and Australia.
However
Linking Words
, Egypt and Lebanon showed a different trend: in Egypt the proportion of male
smokers
Use synonyms
 increased from more than 30% to almost 50%,
while
Linking Words
 in Lebanon it rose from about 30% to around 40%. There are
also
Linking Words
 large differences in coutries which showed a reduction of
smokers
Use synonyms
. In fact, the proportion of
smokers
Use synonyms
 almost halfed in Bangladesh, reducing from more than 60% to less than 40%. On the opposite, Cuba showed almost no change: the percentage remained stable at around 50%.
Overall
Linking Words
, despite the fact that there are less
smokers
Use synonyms
 worldwide, different countries exhibit different patterns.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also, overall".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words smokers with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • bar chart, percentage, adult male smokers
  • world average, increased, decreased
  • tobacco consumption, lung cancer
  • public health, awareness campaigns
  • government policy, smoking bans
  • health risks, nicotine, tobacco industry
  • chart analysis, data comparison
  • statistical trend, significant fluctuation
  • stagnation, steady rise, moderate fall
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