IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Solving environmental problems should be the responsibility of an international organization rather than each national government. Do you agree or disagree?

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In contemporary society, environmental preservations are considerable issues that have sparked debate over whether global
organizations
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 or individual national
governments
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 are responsible for addressing environmental threats. In my opinion, a more efficient way to tackle these problems is to unite international
organizations
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 and each national government
instead
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 of relying solely on international
organizations
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. It is undeniable that international
organizations
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 have contributed to mitigating environmental threats
such
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 as global warming and climate change.
For instance
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, international
organizations
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 use their widespread influence to promote meaningful campaigns to raise public awareness of the essence of protecting the environment. Meanwhile, they have a group of volunteers to support areas and communities destroyed by extreme weather
such
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 as thunderstorms or typhoons .
However
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, international
organizations
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 alone can not address all environmental challenges, especially in underprivileged areas where local
governments
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 may lack key resources. National
governments
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 are held responsible for implementing policies to better alleviate environmental influence which threatens public security. And since environmental impacts are transcended borders, individual
governments
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 should be collective to solve the global issues.
For instance
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, The Paris Agreement signed in 2018 across nearly 200 countries committed to reducing carbon dioxide emissions collectively improving air quality.
This
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 agreement significantly contributed to less air pollution by implementing stricter regulations influencing industries to evolve their technology to cut down toxic emissions. In conclusion, international
organizations
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 focus on solving environmental problems using multiple methods,
while
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 they do not have the ability to handle more areas.
Therefore
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, government involvement is a more efficient approach contributing to improving environmental conditions.

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Task Achievement
Consider providing a clearer thesis statement in the introduction that outlines your main argument more explicitly. This helps guide the reader on what to expect in your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this idea for better coherence.
Task Achievement
Expand on the explanations of your examples to demonstrate clearer connections between them and your main arguments. This can enhance the clarity of your ideas.
Task Achievement
The essay addresses a relevant and important topic, showcasing a strong understanding of the environmental issues at hand.
Task Achievement
Your use of specific examples, such as the Paris Agreement, effectively supports your argument, demonstrating a clear understanding of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • environmental degradation
  • nation's jurisdiction
  • international collaboration
  • global response
  • coordinated effort
  • enforcing environmental laws
  • sharing best practices
  • innovations and technologies
  • critical resources and knowledge
  • international agreements
  • equitable distribution
  • accountability
  • oversight
  • local context
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