IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

.In many parts of the world, women study science and technology, but donot work in these fields. What measures can be taken to encourage women to work in science and technology?

Many
women
Use synonyms
 are studying subjects like science and technology,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
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 they do not
work
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 in these areas.
This
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 essay will delve into the measures that should be taken to encourage them to take part.
To begin
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 with, In today's world, there are still some people who
are believing
Wrong verb form
believe
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 that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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males are
highly
Rephrase
more
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 deserving than females in every aspect of life,
therefore
Linking Words
, males are the
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
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 who always get priority.
That is
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 just because of stereotypes or their mentality.
Moreover
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, there are some
women
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 who
wants
Change the verb form
want
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 to get employed but because of the
work
Use synonyms
-life
balance
Add a comma
balance,
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 they choose not to. In
this
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 case, companies and organizations should offer them
a
Correct article usage
apply
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flexible
work
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hour
Fix the agreement mistake
hours
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, remote
work
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 opportunities and child care
program
Fix the agreement mistake
programs
show examples
 so that they
also
Linking Words
 get a chance to prove themselves.
Furthermore
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, governments and organizations can provide scholarships, internships, and networking opportunities for
women
Use synonyms
 in STEM fields.
This
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 will give them practical experience and help them feel more connected to the industry. In conclusion, tackling stereotypes, improving workplace policies, and offering strong support systems can encourage more
women
Use synonyms
 to
work
Use synonyms
 in science and technology, helping to create a more balanced and diverse workforce.

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Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction provides a clear outline of what the essay will cover, which is good. However, consider rephrasing for clarity, e.g., 'Many women study science and technology, yet they often do not pursue careers in these fields.' This improvement helps with clarity and engagement.
Task Achievement
While you mention stereotypes and work-life balance, try to develop your points further with concrete examples or statistics that illustrate these challenges. This enhancement will make your arguments stronger and more convincing.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your overall structure is good, but ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Using linking phrases can help guide the reader through your ideas more effectively, such as 'In addition' or 'Moreover'.
Task Achievement
To enhance your conclusion, reiterate the importance of these measures and how they can transform the landscape for women in STEM. A more impactful final thought can leave a lasting impression.
Task Achievement
Your essay presents a clear understanding of the issues faced by women in science and technology fields, addressing key barriers such as stereotypes and work-life balance.
Task Achievement
You effectively propose actionable solutions like flexible work hours and government scholarships, which demonstrate clear thinking on how to tackle the problem.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Mentorship programs
  • Career advice
  • Early-career professionals
  • Scholarships
  • Funding opportunities
  • Financial barriers
  • Flexible working environments
  • Remote work options
  • Work-life balance
  • Visibility campaigns
  • Role models
  • Potential career paths
  • Stereotypes
  • Biases
  • Educational and professional settings
What to do next:
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