Nowadays,children watch a lot of tv and play video games.However,some think that these activities are not beneficial for a child's mental health .

Nowadays it is argued that

huge

Correct article usage

a huge

show examples

part of

children

Use synonyms

spent

Wrong verb form

spend

show examples

more time on television and play online

games

Use synonyms

Linking Words

Nevertheless

Add a comma

Nevertheless,

show examples

parents think that these activities

are

Verb problem

have

show examples

show bad influence

for

Change preposition

show examples

a child's brain health.

This

Linking Words

essay completely agrees with the given

statwments

Correct your spelling

statements

statement

. In

this

Linking Words

essay

Add a comma

essay,

show examples

Change the capitalization

show examples

will suggest

sone

Correct your spelling

some

show examples

relevant examples in

upcoming

Correct article usage

the upcoming

show examples

paragraphs.

Firstly

Linking Words

in video

games

Use synonyms

,can become immune to

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

violence and more inclined to act violently

themselvess

Correct your spelling

themselves

Secondly

Linking Words

spending too much time playing video

games

Use synonyms

can isolate

children

Use synonyms

. One argument supporting

this

Linking Words

statement is that it is not a secret most movies and computer

games

Use synonyms

which

Change preposition

in which

show examples

children

Use synonyms

with great passion perform a lot of scenes of violence.

That is

Linking Words

to say after watching or playing

such

Linking Words

films and

games

Use synonyms

children

Use synonyms

such

Linking Words

teenegers

Correct your spelling

teenagers

think that violence is

normal

Add an article

a normal

show examples

situation and apply

cruintly

Correct your spelling

cruelty

while

Linking Words

dealing with

Linking Words

this

Correct determiner usage

these

show examples

gruopmates

Correct your spelling

groupmates

,family members and other people. Another main argument is that

children

Use synonyms

Change the verb form

are

show examples

spending a lot of time playing video

games

Use synonyms

and others.

This

Linking Words

can result in

children

Use synonyms

's social skills not developing well especially

making

Change preposition

in making

show examples

friends and

communicate

Wrong verb form

communicating

show examples

with others. These days many

youngsteers

Correct your spelling

young people

parefer

Correct your spelling

prefer

stay

Fix the infinitive

to stay

show examples

alone

instead

Linking Words

join

Change the verb form

joining

show examples

community service. There are a lot of obvious examples

about

Change preposition

show examples

this

Linking Words

. Take my cousin as an example now he

Add a missing verb

is 15

show examples

years old. He

big

Add an article

a big

show examples

fan of

pubg

Correct your spelling

public

mobile. He plays it around 6 or 8 hours every day

thats

Correct your spelling

that's

show examples

why he can not imagine your life without pubg.

As a

Linking Words

result

Add a comma

result,

show examples

Change the verb form

does

show examples

not have any friends. In

conclsion

Correct your spelling

conclusion

Change the capitalization

show examples

firmly believe that playing too

much

Change the quantifier

many

show examples

games

Use synonyms

isolate

Correct subject-verb agreement

isolates

show examples

children

Use synonyms

because of the reasons discussed above

while

Linking Words

some

peole

Correct your spelling

people

think

diffirently

Correct your spelling

differently

,the evidence and arguments support my point of view.

uluga2002

Apr 19, 2025

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

language

Make sure to proofread for spelling and grammatical errors, such as 'statwments' instead of 'statements' and 'teenegers' instead of 'teenagers.'

content

Develop your supporting points more fully by providing additional details or examples that illustrate your arguments. For example, explain how the isolation caused by video games affects children's mental health.

cohesion

Ensure your ideas flow logically from one to another by using more cohesive devices, such as transition words ('firstly,' 'secondly,' 'in addition').

argumentative clarity

The essay presents a clear opinion that is consistent throughout.

use of examples

Examples from personal experience provide a relatable touch, helping to illustrate your points effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
38
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

274 words

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Nowadays,children watch a lot of tv and play video games.However,some think that these activities are not beneficial for a child's mental health .

Include an introduction and conclusion

Today people are surrounded by advertising. This affects what people think is important and has a negative impact on people’s lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is important to involve punishment when educating children so that they can distinguish right and wrong. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this notion?

More and more people nowadays visit well-known places to take photographs of themselves, without looking at the place. Why do you think this happen? Is it a positive or negative trend?

Some people feel that boarding schools are an excellent option for children, while other people disagree for many reasons. Consider both sides of this debate and conclude.