IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

(2024) You live in a room in the college hostel which has severe problems. You would like to move into another room and need your hostel super's permission for that. Write a letter to the hostel super. In your letter, introduce yourself describe the problems explain what type of room you would prefer give me transcript of the photo aswell

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Dear Sir or Madam, I am writing to inform you about
various
Correct article usage
the various
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 difficulties faced
by
Change preposition
apply
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me
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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while
Linking Words
leaving
Verb problem
living
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 in the dorm space.
This
Linking Words
 is an official request to change my accommodation. I am an international student pursuing
accounting
Correct article usage
an accounting
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 and finance program. When I moved to Canada for my studies, there were many relatives who offered me to stay with them.
However
Linking Words
, I
choose
Wrong verb form
chose
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 to register myself at
college provided
Add a hyphen
college-provided
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 accommodation because it was relatively close to the college facilities. Recently
at the end
Linking Words
 of my third semester new roommate was allotted to share
room
Add an article
a room
the room
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 with me. He had rude behaviour towards me from the beginning.
Moreover
Linking Words
, he does not obey the rules and
smoke
Correct subject-verb agreement
smokes
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 in the room throughout the night. I am concerned
about
Change preposition
that
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 his bad
action
Fix the agreement mistake
actions
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 will influence me in unacceptable ways. Him being untidy can lead me to do to same. I would prefer a space with
first year
Add a hyphen
first-year
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 students
which
Correct pronoun usage
who
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 I believe are more obedient and humble. An organized person who makes the room neat and clean. I hope you take my issues into consideration and find me a better alternative space with splendid roommates. Yours sincerely, Jojo

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coherence and cohesion
Improve paragraph structure by clearly separating different points. Each paragraph could focus on a single idea (e.g., introduction, problems, preferred room, closing).
task response
Clarify the request for room change by explicitly stating how the current living condition affects your study life.
task response
Consider using more formal language and avoiding phrases like 'rude behaviour' and 'bad action' which might come off as overly casual.
task response
The introduction provides a clear context about your situation as an international student.
task response
The letter maintains a polite tone throughout, which is important in formal communication.
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