Shopping has replaced many other activities that people used to choose as their hobby. Nowadays many people go shopping in their free time. What are the reasons for this? Is this a positive or negative development?

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These days, many people have left their old

favorite

Change the spelling

favourite

show examples

activities and made shopping their new hobby. I believe

this

Linking Words

trend is happening because shopping areas have replaced open public spaces in many cities.

This

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pivot has created a negative impact on our society. In my childhood, children's

hobbies

Use synonyms

mostly involved playing. Usually, children played in a spacious outdoor area,

such

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as a yard, park, or even a

ricefield

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rice field

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. Their parents came to supervise the kids’ playtime.

Furthermore

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, engaging in these physical activities could

also

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strengthen family bonds. Other trendy

hobbies

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were sports, including badminton or soccer.

However

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, people need an open space which is accessible, safe, and suitable to enjoy these

hobbies

Use synonyms

Thus

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, with excessive development in most cities, there is little to no open space left for citizens to do their former

hobbies

Use synonyms

On the other hand

Linking Words

, many cities experienced a massive construction of malls.

Consequently

Linking Words

this

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lifestyle shift has led people’s

behavior

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behaviour

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to be more consumeristic. The absence of public space pushed citizens to spend their time in the mall.

Moreover

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, it’s become a trend to hang out in a mall.

As a result

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this

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switches their previous hobby to shopping. Personally, I think, nowadays, even children prefer going to the mall and buying things rather than doing other

hobbies

Use synonyms

Nonetheless

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, the habit of consumerism has more drawbacks than benefits. Consumerist behavior indicates

inaccessibilty

Correct your spelling

inaccessibility

accessibility

inaccessible

to public recreational facilities. People have little enjoyment in other self-fulfilling activities, so they choose shopping

instead

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. In short, shopping as a hobby signifies a lack of access

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a leisure activity and infrastructure.

raymond.sebastianvlMon Apr 21 2025

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task achievement

Consider introducing a more balanced view by acknowledging a few potential benefits of shopping as a hobby, such as social interaction or entertainment value.

coherence and cohesion

Try to enhance the logical flow of ideas by using more cohesive devices. For example, better use transitional phrases to connect your thoughts between paragraphs and within paragraphs.

coherence and cohesion

Ensure that your conclusion succinctly summarizes your main points and restates your opinion more clearly.

task achievement

The essay addresses the prompt effectively and demonstrates a clear opinion on the negative impacts of shopping as a hobby.

coherence and cohesion

The introduction clearly states the trend and your stance, while body paragraphs provide relevant reasons for this shift.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

260 words

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Shopping has replaced many other activities that people used to choose as their hobby. Nowadays many people go shopping in their free time. What are the reasons for this? Is this a positive or negative development?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.

Some believe children should be taught to give speeches and presentations in school. Why is this? What other skills do you think it is important to be taught in schools?

Traditional foods are being replaced by international fast foods. It has a negative effect on families and societies. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Young people who commit crimes should be treated in the same way as adults.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many people today are worried about "cybercrime" such as hacking and identity theft. What problems does "cybercrime" cause, and what solutions can you suggest for ordinary people and business to take?