As the world becomes technologically advanced, computers are replacing peopleat more and more jobs. What are some job positions that may be lost because of computers? What are some problems that may result from this situation?

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Technological advancements bring a convenient and efficient society for us.

However

Linking Words

this

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phenomenon may lead some citizens

Add the particle

to be

show examples

unemployed

such

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as factory workers or waiters, and cause some problems like high unemployment and crime rates. The positions may be influenced by technology because

the

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of the

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lack of professional skills,

also

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high labour jobs may face

same

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the same

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situation since machines can finish the tasks more correctly and longer.

For example

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, a factory employee just

need

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needs

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to do an action

repeatly

Correct your spelling

repeatedly

However

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, sometimes they might feel bored and do not have adequate concentration which have

high

Add an article

a high

show examples

likelihood that some mistakes emerge. In

contract

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contrast

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, computers can work more efficiently, even without any errors. Currently,

serveing

Correct your spelling

serving

robots

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are

show examples

pretty common in my city, they can avoid some issues.

For example

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, they can

delivery

Replace the word

deliver

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plates stably which can prevent accidents in

resturants

Correct your spelling

restaurants

Therefore

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, in these jobs, employers

are

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

prefer employing robots. There are many

impact

Change to a plural noun

impacts

show examples

may

Correct pronoun usage

that may

show examples

caused by

this

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issue.

Firstly

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, people who do not have stable income may try to harm others or even do something

ilegally

Correct your spelling

illegally

illegal

Secondly

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, extremely high unemployment rates

due to

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replacing

Replace the word

the replacement

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by computers. To solve

this

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problem, governments should establish social support programs to help those workers to acquire more

skillful

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skill

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amd

Correct your spelling

and

professional

ability

Fix the agreement mistake

abilities

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. In conclusion, technological improvements can pose certain advantages, yet

Correct pronoun usage

they

show examples

may accompany disadvantages and the disadvantages outweigh the advantages.

hyc1327Mon Apr 21 2025

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coherence and cohesion

Make sure to clearly present your ideas using topic sentences in each paragraph. This will enhance the flow of your essay and improve coherence.

coherence and cohesion

Ensure that grammar and spelling are correct throughout your essay. Small errors can distract from your argument and reduce the overall quality of your writing.

task achievement

Include more specific examples and details in your arguments to strengthen your points and provide a clearer link to the aspects of technology affecting employment.

task achievement

Your introduction effectively sets up the topic and presents both sides of the argument.

task achievement

You provide some relevant examples related to technology replacing jobs, which shows understanding of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
20
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

222 words

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As the world becomes technologically advanced, computers are replacing peopleat more and more jobs. What are some job positions that may be lost because of computers? What are some problems that may result from this situation?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Write a letter for a reference of friend job in your company

More and more tasks we do at home and at work these days are done by robots. Is this a positive or negative development? Huy Cao

Some people who have been successful in society don't attribute their success to the theoretical knowledge they learned from their university. Do you agree or disagree that theoretical knowledge is not as valuable as expected?

Many companies and organisations require their employees to wear uniforms. What kind of jobs require uniforms? What are the disadvantages of wearing a uniform to work?