IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

In today’s world, people spend a lot of money on appearance because they want to look younger. Why does this happen? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

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These days it is becoming increasingly common for people to spend more money on
appearance
Use synonyms
 in order to stay young. Personally, they
influenced
Add a missing verb
are influenced
show examples
 by social media and in some cases, it can lead
heavy
Change preposition
to heavy
show examples
 consequences. On the one hand, nowadays we can witness that community feel social pressure.
In other words
Linking Words
, bloggers or media stars with fit
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
 and unrealistic
Use synonyms
appearance
Fix the agreement mistake
appearances
show examples
 may
push
Verb problem
make
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 an average person feel upset
to
Change preposition
about
show examples
 how they look
like
Change preposition
apply
show examples
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, in order to keep up with today’s trends they have to spend the money on them or even lay under a surgical operation.
As a result
Linking Words
, it leads to unnecessary expenditure and
materialistic
Correct article usage
a materialistic
show examples
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, looking good and so young even after 50 years old may sound nice,
however
Linking Words
, in every aspect people should take a balance
in
Change preposition
between
show examples
 changing their looks and spending the money.
For example
Linking Words
, there were many situations when the normal person looks normal, but in order to look more handsome or pretty they start to do a botox injection to their face, lips and other parts of their body, which is
expensive
Add an article
an expensive
show examples
 pleasure and as everybody knows after several times of the plastic surgeries or the
botex
Correct your spelling
botox
 injections their
appearance
Use synonyms
 never return back, which makes process temporary. In conclusion, realizing
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
how it is expensive to
fallow
Verb problem
follows
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by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the social figure and spending
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
finances on
appearance
Use synonyms
 is useless and people still
continue
Add the particle
continue to
show examples
 ruin their
face
Fix the agreement mistake
faces
show examples
 and natural bodies
due to
Linking Words
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of patience and normal thinking.

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear argument regarding the reasons behind people's spending on appearance and the implications of this behavior. However, to improve your task achievement score, ensure that each point you make is fully developed with relevant examples and explanations. For instance, elaborating on how social media influences self-image could strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, focus on using more varied linking words and phrases to connect your ideas. This will help guide the reader through your arguments more smoothly. For example, using phrases like 'In addition,' or 'Furthermore,' can provide clearer transitions between your thoughts.
content
You raise important points about social pressure and the financial implications of pursuing a youthful appearance, showing your understanding of the topic.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural and social pressure
  • Youth and beauty glorification
  • Technological advancements
  • Anti-aging treatments
  • Skincare
  • Cosmetic procedures
  • Self-esteem and confidence
  • Self-improvement
  • Self-care
  • Unrealistic beauty standards
  • Superficiality
  • Financial strain
  • Consumption and dissatisfaction
  • Psychological effects
  • Anxiety and depression
  • Body dysmorphobia
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