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Writing Samples
Band 3

The data displays information on the numbers of those who took part in various activities at the social centre in the capital city of Australia from 2000 to 2020.

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The data displays information on the numbers of those who took part in various activities at the social centre in the capital city of Australia from 2000 to 2020.
Overall
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 who participated in film
club
Fix the agreement mistake
clubs
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 remained relatively stable from 2000 to 2020,
while
Linking Words
 the number of visitors
of
Change preposition
to
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 table tennis steadily increased in 2010 and saw a massive jump between 2010 and 2020.
People
Use synonyms
 who participated in amateur dramatics steadily decreased from 2005
and
Correct word choice
apply
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to the lowest of all the activities in 2020. The film club had the highest number of participants in 2002 and remained at the top with just over 60
people
Use synonyms
. Those who were interested in martial arts with nearly 35 individuals in 2000 fluctuated over a 20
years
Fix the agreement mistake
year
show examples
 period keeping almost the same number. Visitors of amateur dramatics with about 25
people
Use synonyms
 in 2002 steadily decreased to their lowest point in 2002 with approximately below 10
people
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 table tennis players dramatically rose from 20
people
Use synonyms
 in 2010 to above 50
people
Use synonyms
 in 2020 making it the highest
increasement
Correct your spelling
increment
 from any of the sections.
People
Use synonyms
 of musical performances with
minimum
Add an article
a minimum
the minimum
show examples
 in 2005 and steadily increased from 0 to about 15 active members in 2020.

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coherence and cohesion
Enhance the logical flow between ideas by better structuring your paragraphs and ensuring each point connects to the main topic clearly.
task achievement
Consider adding a conclusion that summarizes the key trends or data presented to reinforce the overall analysis.
task achievement
Provide more specific figures or percentage changes where possible to reinforce your examples, which can help illustrate trends better.
task achievement
You have identified key trends and changes in participation over the years.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction provides a clear overview of the data set, which helps set the context.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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