IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

While international tourism offers many advantages and a lot of places, it brings about several disastrous on both people and the environment there. Do the advantages of tourism outweigh disadvantages?

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It is argued whether
the
Correct article usage
apply
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tourism
Use synonyms
 offers
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
advantages or
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 negative effects on both people and
the
Correct article usage
apply
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nature . I will try to have
further
Linking Words
 discussion on
these topic
Change the determiner
this topic
these topics
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. On
one
Correct article usage
the one
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 hand ,
tourism
Use synonyms
 has brought
tremenduous
Correct your spelling
tremendous
 merits to so many
countries
Use synonyms
 . Most
of
Change preposition
apply
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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countries
Use synonyms
 like India , Nepal and Maldives economy
depends
Correct subject-verb agreement
depend
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 on the income brought by
tourism
Use synonyms
 . The
countries
Use synonyms
 maintain
there
Correct your spelling
their
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 infrastructure and their history to attract more
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
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 which directly benefits the
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
 of the country .
Tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
Tourists
show examples
 bring ideas and knowledge
along with
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 them which can be used by the locals . We can take the example of Maldives , how it is prospering and
getting
Verb problem
gaining
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 popularity by being one of the most visited
countries
Use synonyms
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
 ,
tourism
Use synonyms
 is
also
Linking Words
 being alarming concern in many
countries
Use synonyms
 .
For example
Linking Words
 , In
Nepal
Add a comma
Nepal,
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 many
nature gifted
Add a hyphen
nature-gifted
show examples
 places like Mt.Everest and Annapurna base camp people are littering it with
wastes
Fix the agreement mistake
waste
show examples
. It was brought up by so many people as it was really polluting the area . Many other
countries
Use synonyms
 are facing the same issue . One significant issue is,
tourists
Correct word choice
that tourists
show examples
 are illegally staying overtime surpassing their visa time which is causing the economy and social crisis. Crime rates are increasing gradually in mostly famous areas .
Linking Words
Due to all
Change preposition
All
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 of
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 unwanted activities , its affecting the mental well-being of the
native
Fix the agreement mistake
natives
show examples
. In my opinion , there are more advantages than
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
disadvantages of
tourism
Use synonyms
 if handled properly .
However
Linking Words
, if
tourist
Fix the agreement mistake
tourists
show examples
 are guided properly and they explore within the rules given
then
Linking Words
 half of the problem is solved.

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task achievement
Consider using a clearer thesis statement in the introduction to outline your main points explicitly.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that relates directly back to your thesis statement.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your points, especially in the second body paragraph.
task achievement
You've shown a good understanding of the topic and presented a balanced view of the advantages and disadvantages of tourism.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion effectively restates your opinion, summarizing your argument well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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