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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The charts below show the average annual spending for canadian households in the year 1972 and the year 2002. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparison where relevant

The charts below show the average annual spending for canadian households in the year 1972 and the year 2002. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparison where relevant
These pie charts
compares
Change the verb form
compare
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Use synonyms
Canadian's
Replace the word
Canada's
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 annual spending
of
Change preposition
on
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households field
Fix the agreement mistake
household fields
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 in 1972 and 2002. To analyze these diagrams, we begin by taking a closer look at the data presented, it is obvious that the largest part changed from food to cars, almost
occupied
Wrong verb form
occupying
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 two-fifths separately. As
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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can be seen,
Use synonyms
Canadian
Fix the agreement mistake
Canadians
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 tended to spend most of their funding on food, which
make
Wrong verb form
made
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 up 39%, in 1972.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 trend shifted dramatically
on
Change preposition
in
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 2002,
cars
Rephrase
when cars
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 became the most cost category among
Use synonyms
Canadian's
Change noun form
Canadians'
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housebold
Correct your spelling
household
 spending.To be more detailed, the budget for food dropped from 39% to 14%,
on
Change preposition
at
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 the same time, that for cars increased
18
Change preposition
by 18
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percents
Fix the agreement mistake
percent
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 in the given years. From 1972 to 2002,
Use synonyms
canadian
Correct your spelling
Canadians
 added their funds
at
Change preposition
to
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 the categories of restaurants and computers, by 6% and 8%;
moreover
Linking Words
, they reduced 4%
money
Change preposition
of money
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on
Change preposition
to
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 the book sphere.
In contrast
Linking Words
, it is readily apparent that petrol and furniture areas remained the proportion for approximately 10% in both years.

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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words canadian with synonyms.
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