IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Automation and artificial intelligence are rapidly transforming the job market. Some fear that these technologies will lead to widespread unemployment, while others argue that they will create new job opportunities and improve productivity. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

7.5 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
One of the most pressing issues in recent years is whether automation and artificial intelligence (AI) will take over human workforces.
While
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 are concerned that AI and the advanced
technologies
Use synonyms
 make a large number of employees redundant, others argue that new
technologies
Use synonyms
 can bring a positive impact in terms of saving
time
Use synonyms
 and an increase in productivity. I hold that the developed
technologies
Use synonyms
 can improve productivity and
time
Use synonyms
 management, but we cannot ignore the problems of AI and automation.
Body paragraph 1
Indeed, it is undeniable that
technologies
Use synonyms
 provide a range of benefits to society and individuals. First of all, AI allows
people
Use synonyms
 to reduce the
time
Use synonyms
 to organise simple and repetitive tasks, which can help
people
Use synonyms
 to devote more
time
Use synonyms
 to complicated works required human judgement.
For example
Linking Words
, in Korea, many car factories have introduced AI robots to carry heavy parts of cars and assemble them. Beyond that,
such
Linking Words
technologies
Use synonyms
 enable the replacement of dangerous work positions that
people
Use synonyms
 are reluctant to work in,
such
Linking Words
 as high-rise building window cleaners and manufacturing sectors.
As a result
Linking Words
, technology can be beneficial for individuals and workplaces.
Body paragraph 2
Although
Linking Words
 I acknowledge the aforementioned argument, I believe that reliance on
technologies
Use synonyms
 can lead to a loss of human ability related to critical thinking and problem-solving.
This
Linking Words
 is mainly because many individuals tend to rely on AI to generate tasks that
people
Use synonyms
 need to do themselves, which can lead to detrimental impacts,
such
Linking Words
 as skill deterioration. A good example of
this
Linking Words
 is that students who are likely to use AI to generate their essays regularly might lose their ability to address essay questions by themselves and undermine organising thinking and writing skills.
Conclusion
Overall
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 it is inevitable that modern
technologies
Use synonyms
 have several positive influences on companies and workers in terms of accessibility and productivity, I am of the opinion that overreliance on AI and automation can result in a loss of human ability to process their work and redundancy.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Cover both sides in a more even way. The essay explains the good side well, but the fear of job loss needs its own full main point. Say which jobs may go, who may be hurt, and why new jobs may not help all workers.
task response
Make your view more direct. You say AI can help, but you also say it may harm skills and cause job loss. State clearly whether you think its good points are greater than its bad points, and keep this view clear to the end.
task response
Use examples that directly answer the question about jobs. The car factory example is useful. Add an example of a new kind of job, such as people who build, check, or fix AI systems, or explain why some workers may not be able to move into such jobs.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an ending. To make the link between ideas clearer, use simple links such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, “However”, and “For this reason”.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each main part focused on one idea. In the first part, talk about new jobs and more work done. In the second part, talk about job loss. The point about students using AI is about school skills, so it is less closely linked to the job market.
coherence and cohesion
Make the last paragraph sum up the two views and your own view in the same order as the essay. This will give the ending a stronger finish.
task response
You answer both sides of the question and give your own view. Your points about faster work, dangerous jobs, and loss of skills are clear and relevant.
coherence and cohesion
Your writing is easy to follow. The first paragraph introduces the topic and your view, the next two paragraphs give reasons, and the final paragraph gives an ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use clear examples, especially the example of robots in car factories. This helps the reader see how automation can change work.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: